What does love look like?

Charlotte’s carnelian transformed

“What does love look like?  It has the hands to help others.  It has the feet to hasten to the poor and needy.  It has eyes to see misery and want.  It has ears to hear the sighs and sorrows of men.  That is what love looks like.”- St. Augustine

“May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us- yes, establish the work of our hands.”- Psalm 90:7

An unremarkable ring lay unnoticed among the numerous items in my mother Elinor’s jewelry box.  The ring had a red carnelian mounted on a thin, tarnished band.  My wife Vicki often remarked that the ring looked like a prize from a box of Cracker Jack.

The carnelian had belonged to my maternal grandmother, Charlotte Dahlke.  It was her engagement ring prior to her marriage in 1906.  Although affordable diamond rings started to appear in mail-order catalogs such as Sears & Roebuck in the 1890s, diamonds continued to be viewed as the domain of the aristocracy.

Tradition favored simpler engagement bands- like Grandma Charlotte’s.  Contrary to its appearance, the carnelian had great significance.  Almost ninety years later, a Des Plaines (IL) jeweler transformed Charlotte’s engagement ring into its current setting.

What does love look like?  According to pastor and author Matt Bays (Finding God in the Ruins), people who love truly are great at subtraction:

“I’ve often heard that a burden shared is divided by two.  But there are moments, in the company of those who care, when it feels like a huge minus has replaced the division sign and our burdens aren’t divided at all; they’re being subtracted.  And subtraction is always better than division because when things are subtracted, they disappear altogether.”

As our burdens disappear, space is created in our heart for the Holy Spirit.  Henri Nouwen (The Wounded Healer) notes the Holy Spirit’s heart is greater, His eyes see more, and His hands heal more than our own heart, eyes, and hands.  This enables us to transform, rather than transmit, our pain.

Max Lucado encourages us to share God’s grace with others.  After all, he writes, if grace is compared to a wheat field, the Lord has bequeathed us the state of Kansas!  Accepting God’s grace means you vow to give grace to others.

What does love look like?  What does God see in you?  Max has the answer:

“Marginalized and discarded?  Others may think so.  You may think so.  But God sees in you a masterpiece.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4kTivO3uqI

 

What does love look like?

Rule and reign

“God . . . is growing us up; we too must learn to rule and reign.”- John Eldredge

John Eldredge concludes Chapter 5 of Moving Mountains by reminding us that Jesus, the Lord of angel armies, is now in the throes of bringing His enemies under His feet- along with angelic and human forces.  For example, in 1 Kings 18 God intended to end the drought.  But Elijah played a major role.

Yes, God could take care of any problem in the blink of an eye.  However, as C.S. Lewis explained in his article “The Efficacy of Prayer,” God wants us involved:

“He seems to do nothing of Himself which He can possibly delegate to His creatures.  He commands us to do slowly and blunderingly what He could do perfectly and in the twinkling of an eye.  Creation seems to be delegation through and through.”

John believes such delegation refers to major tasks as well as the authority to get them done.  Since you have been given a share of Jesus Christ’s authority, John inquires, do you wield it in prayer (emphasis mine)?  Can you see how it just might make a difference if you did wield Christ’s authority in prayer?  John offers these words of encouragement:

“You are not an orphaned child, sitting out in the hall hoping your busy Father will see one of the notes you have pushed under his door. . . . You are a son or daughter of the living God, a friend and ally, wielding his authority to get things done.  And by the way- your eternal destiny is to reign.

But God must prepare us to reign by placing us in situations where we learn to pray and use the authority He has given us.

Today’s question: What Scriptures enable you to rule and reign, praying with authority?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the new Short Meditation, “What does love look like?”

Rule and reign

Our present life

“Our present life feels like a real fight as if there was something pretty wild in the universe which we needed to redeem.”-William James

In Chapter 5 (“Bold Authority”) of Moving Mountains, John Eldredge comments on words that get tacked onto the end of many prayers, yet seem to lack little of their original punch-“In Jesus’ name, Amen.”  Amen, once a declaration, now has the emotional force of ‘talk to you later’ at the end of a phone call.

John emphasizes that “In Jesus’ name” is a far, far more declarative and final command than “Amen.”  By saying “In Jesus’ name,” we are utilizing the ultimate authority of God to enforce the power of our prayers.   The whole spiritual realm, including effective prayer, runs on authority.  The author adds: “It is the secret to the kingdom of God and one of the essential secrets to prayer that works.”

The Lord’s Prayer, held high and repeated ritually, tells us to invoke the kingdom of God.  John asserts that we are partners with Jesus in this mission to invoke God’s kingdom.  The obvious implication, John observes, is that God’s kingdom is not always come and His will is not always done on earth as it is in heaven.  Jesus wouldn’t urge us to pray for something that has no meaning.  Mr. Eldredge summarizes:

“Apparently our biggest need is for his kingdom to invade our lives and our worlds. . . . It make perfect sense for Jesus to teach us to invoke his kingdom in our prayers; it makes all the sense in the world.  And it opens up staggering opportunities for prayer.”

Today’s question: In your present life, what do the words “In Jesus’ name, Amen” mean to you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Rule and reign”

Our present life

I have called you friends

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends, if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business.  Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”- John 15:13-15

As John Eldredge concludes Chapter 4 of Moving Mountains, he writes that we need to listen to Jesus as He reframes out understanding of prayer.  referencing the father in the Parable of The Two Lost Sons (Luke 15), John asks:

“Do you come to prayer knowing that God is already expecting you, looking for you with longing?”

Being sons or daughters of God comes with privileges (Galatians 4:4-5).  John doubts that any of us have tapped into the full rights of a son or daughter of God.  The author notes that Dallas Willard said we ought to look at our life with God as a partnership in a shared mission.

Mr. Eldredge notes the relationship the disciple Ananias had with Jesus.  Told by the Lord to “go to the house of Judas on Straight Street and ask for a man from Tarsus named Saul,” Ananias was comfortable enough in his relationship with Jesus to voice his extreme discomfort with Jesus’ plan.

While it is human nature to look at the problem or crisis before us, the problem is exactly the thing we should not be looking at.  John observes that C. S. Lewis had only one picture on his bedroom walls- a photo of the image of Jesus’ face from the Shroud of Turin.  Lewis would gaze on the photo as he prayed.

As Pascal once said, “It is the heart which experiences God.”

Today’s question: What helps you fix your eyes on Jesus rather than your problems?  Please share.

Coming Monday: the new Short Meditation, “What does love look like?”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Our present life”

I have called you friends

Thy will be done

“There are two kinds of people; those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, ‘All right, then, have it your way.’ “- C. S. Lewis

“Even the stork in the heavens know her times, and the turtledove, swallow, and crane keep the time of their coming, but my people know not the rules of the Lord.”- Jeremiah 8:7

The International Crane Foundation in Baraboo, Wisconsin, is a hidden treasure located about ten miles from the water park mecca of Wisconsin Dells.  Founded in 1973 by George Archibald and Ron Suey, the ICF mission combines research, captive breeding and reproduction, landscape restoration, and education to safeguard the world’s 15 crane species.  One of those species, the Siberian crane (aka snow crane), stands 5 feet tall with a wingspan of 83-91 inches.

Siberian cranes have the longest migratory route of any crane species, flying over the mighty Himalayan range from their breeding grounds in eastern and western Russia to their wintering grounds in China and Iran, respectively.  Initial breeding efforts at the ICF were unsuccessful until they replicated the midnight sun of the Arctic tundra.

Thy will be done

The Spirit of sonship

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry,’Abba, Father.’ “- Romans 8:15

John Eldredge continues Chapter 4 of Moving Mountains with the assertion that nothing reveals your true beliefs like how you pray.  John adds that when he listens to people pray, more often than not their prayers sound like an orphan, crying for mercy outside the gates- not the authoritative prayers of God’s children.  He explains.

All of us have heard- and know intellectually- that we are God’s children- His sons and daughters.  But the familiarity of those words has dulled us to the truth they contain.  The reality of those words has not penetrated our hearts deeply enough.  As a result, we pray like orphans ourselves.

Orphans feel desperate.  They are not reluctant to pray.  Orphans feel there is a great chasm between themselves and God.  The concept of abundance is foreign to them.  Orphans pray with a poverty mentality.  Because orphans expect scraps, they pray for scraps.  Not anticipating two-way intimacy, orphans and slaves make prayer speeches.  When we pray, John writes, we need to keep clear who we are:

“Just as we have to be careful to keep in mind exactly who it is we are praying to, what our images of God actually are, it is equally important to keep clear who we are in this process.  Who are you to God?  What is your relationship to the One to whom you pray?  How do you conceive of it? . . . What is your heart’s settled assurance on the matter?”

Today’s question: How would you answer John’s questions?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “I have called you friends”

The Spirit of sonship

Effective prayer

“Effective prayer is far more a partnership with God than it is begging him to do something.”- John Eldredge

“Taking five loaves and two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves (emphasis added).”- Mark 6:41

“So they took away the stone [from Lazarus’ tomb].  Then Jesus looked up and said . . .”- John 11:41 (emphasis added)

John Eldredge  begins Chapter 4 (Who He Is and Who We Are”) of Moving Mountains by admitting that as he fights through the trials and tribulations of live, normally his eyes aren’t fixed on Jesus.  For us, too, our eyes tend to be fixed on the crises before us.  These crises have a way of arresting our attention.

When Jesus fed the five thousand and came to the tomb of Lazarus, John notes, He was not looking up to heaven like a man trying to recall something he’d just forgotten.  Jesus looked up to heaven in order to fix His attention on the loving face of His Father.

Christians are well aware that faith plays a critical role in effective prayer.  In fact, the author asserts, faith may play the critical role.  But we are not capable of generating faith or feelings of faith.  As John states, we must “look from the debris to God.”

In order to engage in effective prayer, we must be crystal clear about who we are and Who we are praying to- or with.

Today’s question: What Scriptures help you fix your eyes on Jesus so you can engage in effective prayer?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The Spirit of sonship”

 

Effective prayer

The Cry of the Heart

“Some prayers just happen; they are ‘the Cry of the Heart.’  No training is needed when it comes to this type of prayer.”- John Eldredge

In Chapter 3 (“The Cry of the Heart”) of Moving Mountains, John Eldredge tells of the time he and a buddy were on their way home from a fishing trip when they encountered hail on the highway.  Their van spun over those icy marbles, veered into oncoming traffic, and finally came to rest upside down in an irrigation ditch.  Shortly before the flip, John prayed the only thing he knew how to pray in that situation: Jesus!  John explains:

“”The Cry of the Heart just comes if you let it. . . . I think it will just flow for you, too, if you give it permission.  Turn the editor off; let your heart and soul speak.”

Mr. Eldredge adds that the Cry of the Heart is more than cries of heartache, sorrow, or distress.  Joyful spontaneity and triumph also are important aspects of this type of prayer.  You don’t have to arrange for, practice, or even learn the Cry of the Heart.  No religious language is required.

John does offer a word of caution:

“Be careful that your heart cries do not subtly turn into agreements with despair or forsakenness.  Do not let ‘Father- I feel abandoned!’ turn into an agreement with ‘I am abandoned.’. . . it is too easy to land in a place of heartache and call it authenticity.”

The way to escape the shipwreck of the soul is to turn your gaze to God.

Today’s question: How have you kept your heart-cries from turning into agreements with despair or forsakenness?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Effective prayer”

The Cry of the Heart

The story you find yourself in

“Look- you may not like the story you find yourself in, but your displeasure doesn’t make it go away.”- John Eldredge

John Eldredge concludes Chapter 2 of Moving Mountains with his discussion of the second (of two) assumptions essential to prayer.

2.  We are at war.  John notes that King Herod’s “massacre of the innocents” (Matthew 2:16-18) is not portrayed in any Christmas pageant or manger scene.  While the lovely imagery surrounding Christmastime is dear to many of us, Mr. Eldredge points out that such imagery is profoundly deceiving.  The warm feelings, associations, and expectations of what the nature of the Christian life is going to be like as created by this perspective are, in fact, dangerous.  Our viewpoint is incomplete.

When Daniel was in Babylon and received a revelation concerning a great war, he devoted himself to prayer and fasting for three weeks.  Although God answered Daniel’s prayer the first day he prayed, the answer was delayed because a mighty, fallen angel blocked the way.  God’s angel had to fight his way in as well as his way out.  John explains how the Scriptures are a wake-up call:

“The Scriptures are a sort of wake-up call to the human race, a trumpet blast . . . One alarm they repeatedly sound is that we are all caught up in the midst of a collision of kingdoms- the kingdom of God advancing with force against the kingdom of darkness, which for the moment holds most of the world in its clutches.”

This should motivate us to learn to pray like a soldier learns to use his weapon for battle or how a smoke jumper learns survival skills.  Until we learn to pray, we’ll have no idea what sort of breakthrough actually is possible.

Today’s question: Which of John’s two assumptions essential to prayer resonate most with you?  Please share.

New addition to Crown Jewels: “The whisper test”

Tomorrow’s blog: “The Cry of the Heart”

 

The story you find yourself in

We are all underway

“We are all underway and we are not all in the same place.”- John Eldredge

“Until we reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.”- Ephesians 4:13

In Chapter 2 (“Third Graders at Normandy”) of Moving Mountains, John Eldredge discusses the first of two assumptions essential to prayer:

1.  God is growing us all up.  John states that “we are at different stages of maturing”- we are all underway.  Mr. Eldredge adds that realization is very gracious, realistic, and quite helpful to understanding your own life as well as the lives of others around you.

God understands where you are and is absolutely committed to your growing up.  As John explains, God has a fervent passion for our maturity:

“God . . . is utterly delighted with our attempts at prayer; he loves our little prayers tucked into drawers (aka God’s In-Box).  And, he is calling us upward to grow into the maturity we were destined for, including mature prayers.”

But there is one problem, as John points out.  Most of us don’t share God’s fervent passion that we mature.  Our default settings take up residence in other things- the big game, our general comfort (which includes getting others to cooperate with our agenda).

John describes the means God provides for growing us up:

“Situations that stretch us, strain us, push us beyond what we thought we could endure- those very same circumstances that cause us to pray.  This assumption is important for one simple reason: it changes your expectations.”

We are all underway.  We are being called up.

Today’s question: At what stage of maturing are you when it comes to prayer?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The story you find yourself in”

 

 

We are all underway

Things can be different

“There is nothing more hopeful than the thought that things can be different, we can move mountains, and have some role in bringing that change about.”- John Eldredge

“After a long time, the word of the LORD came to Elijah: ‘Go and present yourself to Ahab, and I will send rain on the land.”- 1 Kings 18:1

As John Eldredge concludes Chapter 1 of Moving Mountains, he states that God, in His sovereignty, “created a world in which the choices of men and angels matter.”  Pascal referred to this as “the dignity of causation.”  Our choices have significant consequences.

Mr. Eldredge references the biblical account of Elijah, Ahab, and the prophets of Baal (1 KIngs18).  Following the defeat of the prophets of Baal, Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel and prayer for rain- eight rounds worth of prayer.  Although it is certain that God will come through, God insists on Elijah’s participation.  As Augustine once wrote, “Without God, we cannot, and without us, He will not.”

John points out that James, the brother of Jesus, makes a staggering connection in James Chapter 5- you are no different than Elijah:

“That was his [James’] purpose in using the phrase, ‘Elijah was a man just like us.’  James was trying to disarm that religious posture that often poisons the value of biblical stories: Well sure, that was so-and-so [in this case Elijah], and they were different than us.  Nope.  Not the case.  Actually, James makes it very clear: Elijah was a human being just like you.  In other words, you can do it too (emphasis John’s).”

Today’s question: How can prayer help you sustain the thought that things can be different?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “We are all underway”

 

Things can be different

The elephant in the room

“Let’s go ahead and name the elephant in the room- some prayers work, and some prayers don’t.”- John Eldredge

Moving Mountains: Praying with Passion, Confidence, and Authority is the latest book from author John Eldredge.  John’s previous books are Wild at Heart, Fathered by God, and Beautiful Outlaw.

In Chapter 1 (“Prayer That Works”) of Moving Mountains, Mr. Eldredge states that each of us has our own story of “prayers answered, prayers unanswered, and silence [we] can’t quite make sense of.”  Yet, when it comes to life-including prayer, there is a way things work (emphasis John’s).  Unfortunately, there is something adolescent in human nature that resists submitting to the realities of the world around us and within us.

Thus, John writes, we want prayer to be simple and easy.  We ask for God’s help the best we can- the rest is up to Him.  The problem arises when God doesn’t come through and we have no clue why.  Losing heart and abandoning prayer may follow.  With this very naïve view of prayer, we feel hurt and justified in giving up.  Mr. Eldredge explains the consequences of this viewpoint:

“We abandon the very treasure God has given us for not losing heart, for moving the ‘mountains’ in front of us, bringing about the changes we so desperately want to see in our world.”

There is a terrible dilemma for us when it comes to prayer.  It is in our nature to pray.  We desperately want to have faith that God will come through for us.  When He doesn’t seem to come through for us, where does that leave us?  John emphasizes:

“I believe God is in the dilemma; I believe he wants us to push through to real answers, solid answers.”

Today’s question: What Scriptures speak to your dilemma when it comes to prayer- the elephant in the room?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Things can be different”

The elephant in the room

The quiet hum

“And with all the traffic raging around you, I pray that you will hear only the quiet hum.”- Matt Bays

Chapter 17 (“The Quiet Hum- My Life for the Glory of God”) is the concluding chapter of Finding God in the Ruins.  Matt Bays asserts that at times it is appropriate- and even right- to doubt God’s existence or involvement in our lives.  Blindly ignoring the effect of painful events on our faith does not make us more faithful, Pastor Bays notes.

If our faith is ever going to mature from adolescence to adulthood, doubt is a necessary part of our journey.  Matt states that “when we  . . . embrace our doubt, we are often propelled forward, closer to God than we ever though possible.”

Shelving the trials we have faced does not allow God to use them for the good of others.  By denying others access to our stories, we are living out the bystander effect- minimizing our involvement.  We fail to acknowledge how our pain could set someone else free. By listening to God’s quiet hum, we can assume the burden of responsibility.  Matt offers these encouraging words:

“Because of your strength to step up to the plate, because of your courage to stand alone and honor the pain, because of your willingness to carry the burden of responsibility, the chances that others will be rescued has just increased dramatically.”

Today’s question (from Matt): Take a moment to think about whether God’s love has become greater than your pain, despair, or unanswered prayer.  Is what you’ve been through worth what you’ve gained as a result?  Would you say you pain has been redeemed, or is still in the process of being redeemed?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the Annotated Bibliography of Finding God in the Ruins

 

The quiet hum

More than answers

“We need more than answers.  We need the love of God, no matter how awkward or fumbly.”- Matt Bays

“I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”- Isaiah 43:1 (ESV)

In Chapter 16 (“Melody Unchained- Finding Your Faith Again”) of Finding God in the Ruins, Matt Bays observes the hard truth is that God has  always has allowed for our pain.  That we don’t know why is harder still.

When we are in the middle of our pain, the answers won’t matter anyway.  We need something more- God’s love, affirming a Presence greater than ourselves.  God, the master conductor and composer, shapes each note in the space between our trials and triumphs.  Pastor Bays encourages:

“God knows your name.  And in the immense pain, he whispers it under his breath, sending it out as a love song- a melody of grace notes that in time will balance ever dissonant chord of your life.”

Trouble always will be with us.  When we come to the end of ourselves, we are ready for Someone greater.  Pastor Bays reflects on passing through darkness:

“Passing through darkness will always be a part of life because trouble will always be with us.  But as I strain my eyes amidst the shifting shadows, I find Jesus in silhouette.  Every detail of his face is not recognizable, but his form is unmistakable.”

Today’s question (from Matt): If there were a song that identified the essence of who you are, what would that song be?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The quiet hum”

More than answers

Rainbow days

“On rainbow days God’s presence is hard to miss.”- John Ortberg

God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come.  I have set my rainbow in the clouds . . .”- Genesis 9:12-13

“And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down.  Without the rain, there would be no rainbow.”-G. K. Chesterton

As a child of the Great Depression whose rare experiences with air conditioning only occurred on movie theater visits, Dad held out on getting a room air conditioner for our home until I was sixteen.  For a refreshing treat on sultry summer evenings, we’d make the six-block drive to Original Rainbow Cone at 9233 South Western Avenue .

Founded in 1926 by Joseph and Katherine Sapp, Original Rainbow Cone recently opened for its 90th year on March 4, 2016.  Back in 1926, however, the nearest homes were about 5 1/2 miles north- at Pershing Road, the southern boundary of Chicago’s Bridgeport neighborhood.  Joseph envisioned the day when Western Avenue would become a major thoroughfare.   Sunday traffic already was heavy as Chicagoans traveled to cemeteries south of 95th Street.

An original rainbow cone was a tasty treat, well worth the potential one-hour wait.  John Ortberg (God is Closer Than You Think) describes the spiritual component of rainbow days:

“On rainbow days you find yourself wanting to pray, believing that God hears, open to receiving and acting on his response.  On rainbow days God seems to speak personally to you through Scripture . . . and each good thing you see fills you with gratitude toward the God who made it.”

Not all days can be rainbow days.  How are we to respond during desert, transition times when God seems elusive?  Pastor Ortberg suggests that God wants us to learn to see him in the ordinary rather than limiting ourselves to dependence on the extraordinary.  The narrator in the novel Prince of Tides discusses a character who has the gift of seeing God in the ordinary:

“I would like to have walked in his world, thanking God for oysters and porpoises, praising God for birdsong and sheet lightning, seeing God reflected in pools of creekwater and the eyes of stray cats. . . . I would like to have seen the whole world with eyes incapable of anything but wonder, and with a tongue fluent in praise.”

It is a very helpful thing to “review the dailies” with God- finding things to thank God for in each scene of your day.  When that happens, John notes, “we find that  ordinary days had little rainbow moments in them.”

 

 

Rainbow days

Our healing gift

“In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift.  If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.”- Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child

Matt Bays concludes Chapter 13 of Finding God in the Ruins by telling the story of Christian singer and songwriter Matt Redman.  One of Matt Redman’s songs, “Blessed Be Your Name”, reflects the ebb and flow of joy and pain in his life.  Matt Redman’s wife has suffered four miscarriages.  His father took his own life when Matt was a young child.  At the age of seven, Matt was abused by a sexual predator.

Pastor Bays states that when Matt Redman told his story at a concert he attended, at that moment heaven flooded the concert hall with light.  There almost was no place to hide.  Pastor Bays summarizes:

“Matt Redman told . . . us that we were not alone.  His story did a swan dive right into our hearts and promised us hope.  He had shown us what it looked like to tell the whole truth.”

When you cover a wound with a bandage for too long, the wound doesn’t get better.  Matt Bays compares that to our soul wounds:

“The wounds on our souls also need air.  Vulnerability, saying what happened, means ripping the bandage off so our stories can breathe.”

You might feel that revisiting your past will break you.  As Matt encourages, perhaps revisiting your past will make you instead.

Today’s question: What do you believe to be your healing gift?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the new Short Meditation, “Rainbow Days”

Our healing gift

Your litmus test

“And if you doubt what happened, wondering if it really mattered, let the pain be your litmus test.  Where pain is present, a wound exists.”- Matt Bays

In Chapter 13 (“Someone Else’s Story- Telling Your Story”) of Finding God in the Ruins, Matt Bays asserts that telling the truth is not easy.  It’s not because we are liars, but because it is easier to tell a version of the truth.  However, the truth never is inappropriate.

Some things in life fall away from us and never are heard from again- until an old picture in a photo album reminds us that it happened.  Such is not the case with painful memories like a ministry downsizing or vocation loss, as Pastor Bays describes:

“Those cruelties aren’t stuck into old photo albums for us to thumb through.  Instead they are emblazoned on the walls of our hearts like stubborn wallpaper that won’t budge.”

Expect painful passages to come when you tell the truth- the whole truth.  If the pain becomes overwhelming, take a break from your story.  When you are good and ready, return to it, as Matt encourages: ” . . . plan to finish the book, because there’s a beautiful ending to it.”

We authenticate who we really are by telling our stories.  Telling the truth isn’t nearly as painful as holding it in.  As writer Anne Lamott says:

“You own everything that happened to you.  Tell your stories . . . If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”

Today’s question: Using pain as your litmus test, how have you neglected to care for your internal wounds?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Our healing gift”

Your litmus test

The person you were meant to be

“Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.”- Heath L. Buckmaster, Box of Hair

“You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are- no more, no less.  That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought.”- Matthew 5:5 (The Message)

Matt Bays begins Chapter 12 (“Default Settings- Accepting Who You Are”) of Finding God in the Ruins with the assertion that our genetic makeup- our character traits- can be only slightly modified.  Maybe our hardwiring does not need to be tempered with- that we are what we are for a reason.

Pastor Bays adds that change most definitely is a good thing.  But checking everything on our “alternate settings” list can give us the kind of false hope that can be destructive.  Matt believes the recurring twinge within us of past damage can become manageable.  However, the deeper ache in our spirits won’t ever be completely torn out by the roots- and maybe that is okay.

Acknowledging the truth actually can set you free.  You always will be you.  This sometimes painful truth can be liberating, because you can finally stop chasing after  the person you will never be.  In order to move forward in this life or even  survive, we must accept that “who we are at the core is exactly who we were always meant to be.”  Thomas Merton believed the ordinary would find freedom- the ordinary would inherit the earth.  As The Message paraphrases Matthew 5:5- “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are- no more, no less.”

Today’s question: Are you content with who you are- the person you were meant to be- at this present moment?  Please share.

Coming Monday: the new Short Meditation, “Rainbow Days”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Your litmus test”

The person you were meant to be

The untold story

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”- Maya Angelou

“I decided to devote my life to telling the story because I felt that having survived I owe something to the dead. . . . And anyone who does not remember betrays them again.”- Elie Wiesel, political activist and concentration camp survivor

In Chapter 11 (“The Untold Story- I Used to be Matt Petrino: The Power of God in Your Story”) of Finding God in the Ruins, Matt Bays underscores the truth that eventually our untold stories begin telling our deepest secrets- without our permission.  As our untold stories begin revealing one broken chapter after another, the life we’ve always wanted becomes threatened by the life we’ve always feared.

Yet God uses what is available at the time to let you know that (1) your life has value and (2) you can instill that same sense of worth into other broken people God brings into your life.

When Matt was eighteen years old, he petitioned the court to legally change his last name from Petrino back to Bays.  Matt reasoned that getting a new name would give him a new life.  But this outward change did not change who Matt was on the inside.  However, because Matt Petrino was a survivor, Matt Bays could tell his story.  Likewise, Pastor Bays encourages us not to forget all we have overcome:

“It’s easy to ignore our stories or disregard their power to call the hurting, wounded, and abused out of their hiding places.  Looking back can be painful, especially if it feels as though you’ve read the broken passages too many times already.  But if you continue turning the pages and inviting others to read along, you will find the grace of God beautifully on display in your storytold.”

Today’s question: What untold story of yours can beautifully display the grace of God?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The person you were meant to be”

The untold story

Drawn into His love

“I imagine God is please when we allow the foolish things of this world to confound our wisdom- when we allow ourselves to be drawn into His love in the most peculiar ways.”- Matt Bays

Matt Bays begins Chapter 10 (“Me Encanta- The Love of God”) of Finding God in the Ruins by observing there are heavenly moments when everything aligns and we have no trouble sensing the presence of God.  So when pain comes, we may be too eager to punctuate our pain with an exclamation point-before that exclamation point belongs there.

Instead, we must understand our pain- be comfortable enough to put an ellipsis where an ellipsis belongs.  In The Circle Maker, Mark Batterson describes an ellipsis as a time of waiting during which we feel God is answering everyone else’s prayers but ours.  Pastor Bays offers his perspective on unredeemed pain and how we are drawn into His love:

“But for those things that have been left unredeemed, pain can be a lifetime mortgage. . . . Yet it will not be all that is me.  It does not complete me.  While it remains, God also will remain.  And I will find him in the ruins, among three thorns and three prayers for their removal.  He will provide his copathy and care. . . and laughter and love- especially love.”

Matt adds that at times it feels like God has invited himself into our pain, when what we really had been looking for was a invitation into God’s healing.  While we desire a God who heals our wounds, Matt states that “it seems we have a God who heals our hearts.”

Today’s question (from Matt): What does the phrase “sometimes it feels like God has invited himself into my pain, when I had hope to be invited into his healing” mean to you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The untold story”

 

Drawn into His love

The words me too

It has been said that at the start of every friendship are the words me too.”- Matt Bays

“Friendship . . . is born at the moment when one man says to another, ‘What!  You too?  I thought that no one but myself . . .”- C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

In Chapter 9 (“Me Too- You Are Not Alone”) of Finding God in the Ruins, Matt Bays notes that the word glory often is defined as “the silent existence” or “the unspoken manifestation of God.”  The Greek word for glory, doxa, is used to convey God’s intrinsic worth or core value.  Pastor Bays applies this to our brokenness:

“So not only is the glory of God revealed in our brokenness, in the ruins of our lives, in those things we can’t figure out, get right, or seem to overcome, but his core value is at its absolute highest when we are at our absolute lowest.  The silent existence of God is alive in my brokenness, when his power is not simply present but ‘made perfect.’ ”

What, Matt asks, if God is calling us to something and for something that He needs us to make right in the world?  God’s glory, made perfect in our weakness, could bring what is dead in others back to life.  There still may be unanswered questions, but Matt doesn’t think we really are looking for answers anyway:

“I think we’re looking for grace- enough so we can manage the pain.  And answers are not grace; they’re just information.  Empathy is grace.  Company is grace.  ‘Me too.’ That’s grace.”

Today’s question (from Matt): When you consider C. S. Lewis’ quote, how are you this kind of person to people?  What are some ways you could take it even further?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Drawn into His love”

The words me too

The comfort of God

“Sometimes the comfort of God comes to us dirty, showing up when we least expect it.  I have often found God mixed into what many consider their greatest disappointments in life.”- Matt Bays

As Matt Bays begins Chapter 8 (“Love Sifting- The Comfort of God”) of Finding God in the Ruins, he notes that, from the day we are born, we measure pain and love.  At times it feels like the sifted sands of pain outweigh the sifted sands of love.  Until we come to the end of ourselves, we fail to realize that grace is all around us for the taking.

Perhaps, as author Robert Farrar Capon writes in The Romance of the Word: One Man’s Love Affair with Theology, we shouldn’t be so anxious to make the problem of evil go away:

” If God seems to be in no hurry to make the problem of evil go away, maybe we shouldn’t be either.  Maybe our compulsion to wash God’s hands for him is a service he doesn’t appreciate.  Maybe . . . evil is where we meet God (italics in the original).”

And when we meet God and the sands of love sift through us, healing begins to wash over us.  We experience copathy- compassion and empathy.  Pastor Bays observes those who truly love us are great at subtraction:

“I’ve often heard that a burden shared is divided by two.  But there are moments, in the company of those who care, when it feels like a huge minus sign has replaced the division sign and our burdens aren’t being divided at all; they’re being subtracted.  And subtraction is always better tan division because when things are subtracted, they disappear altogether.”

Today’s question: How have you found the comfort of God mixed into the greatest disappointments of your life?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The words me too”

The comfort of God

Faith built on preference

“Faith built on preference is capable of producing only an incomplete theology.”- Matt Bays

As Matt Bays concludes Chapter 5 of Finding God in the Ruins, he reminds his readers of the Scripture verse printed on the page preceding Chapter 1:

“I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.”- Isaiah 45:7 (emphasis author’s)

Matt theorizes people skim past or ignore passages like Isaiah 45:7 because they prefer “celebration to suffering, resurrection to crucifixion.”  This is a faith built on preference.

Pastor Bays stresses the importance of honestly crying out to God in our anger, resentment, rage- even disrespect, trusting that God will love, accept, and forgive us.  When we can come to this honest place with God, we will feel the sharp edges of our pain softening.

Job and David were honest with God- and probably afraid as well.  But, Matt observes, they weren’t so scared they were unable to tell God exactly what they though.  Kara, a violinist at Matt’s church, expresses her understanding of an honest relationship with God:

“All of the good in my life has had a contrast, and that contrast is where I learn the great life lessons.  So when the contrast comes, I plop myself down in the middle of the pain, frustration, or unmet expectations and I wait on God.  When he shows up, I begin working to hear his still small voice so that I will know what he is trying to teach me.”

Today’s question (from Matt): If God pulled up a chair before you, looked directly into your eyes, and asked you to tell him the truth about how you feel (or have felt) about him, would you feel secure enough to be brutally honest?  If so, what would you say?

Tomorrow’s blog: “The comfort of God”

Faith built on preference

A theology of no more pain

“When our faith is built upon a theology of no more pain, we fail to hold dark and light together and cannot experience the fullness of God.”- Matt Bays

Matt Bays begins Chapter 5 (“Put Away the Glitter- God Wants You to Tell the Truth”) of Finding God in the Ruins by stating that God’s love isn’t glitter.  It then follows that if God’s love isn’t glitter, at some point we’re going to have to realize “that getting all of him is equally delicious and painful (italics author’s).”

Pastor Bays emphasizes that asking someone who has experienced horrific pain to minimize or summarize the experience is akin to “asking someone who’d been to hell and back to put a bright, red ribbon on a grenade.”  We need a God who sees our suffering and pain, and doesn’t turn away for a second- that we are never out of His sight.

Matt notes that if we are ever to find an honest place with God, we must cry out “Where are You?”  In our spiritual understanding of God, passages such as John 16:33 (“In this world you will have trouble”) must be given credence.  Rather than extracting any sort of darkness from our lives, we have the capacity to hold dark and light together simultaneously.  Richard Rohr describes this capacity in his book Things Hidden:

“God wants usable instruments who will carry the mystery, the weight of glory, and the burden of sin simultaneously, who can bear the darkness and light, who can hold the paradox of the incarnation- flesh and pain, human and divine, joy and suffering, at the same time, just as Jesus did.”

Faith built upon a theology of no more pain fails to hold dark and light together.  Such faith cannot experience the fullness of God.

Today’s question (from Matt): In what ways do you feel you might not be experiencing the fullness of God?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Faith built on preference”

A theology of no more pain

Worthless idols

“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.”- Jonah 2:8

In Chapter 4 (“The Age of Reckoning- Symptoms of a Deeper Problem”) of Finding God in the Ruins, Matt Bays notes that one phrase from Jonah 2:8 really impacts him- could be.  Pastor Bays interprets the phrase to mean that something is expected of us.  It’s asking for our help.

Eliminating worthless idols (in Matt’s case, alcoholism) requires discipline.  Matt describes the importance of discipline:

“Not many of us love the word discipline, but it is a critical prerequisite to our journey inward.  Discipline  expects something out of us we are not always sure we have to give. . . . If you did, discipline would not be knocking on your door.  It’s there to pinpoint what you’re lacking and then find a way, whatever it takes, to get that lacking thing inside you.”

Pastor Bays observes that when the foundational who we are is wrecked and we can’t seem to shake it off so we can get to what life could be, the temptation is to resign ourselves to that broken reality.  Fear keeps us from committing to true and lasting change.  We are afraid being pushed into alignment will be difficult.

In fact, a painful breaking must occur.  And our lack of knowing how to change is not a free pass to remain the same.  Susan Howard points out that internally we always will know the truth:

“We can never entirely silence the inner voice that always tells us the truth.  We may not like the sound of the truth, . . . but when we pay attention to it, it lead us toward wisdom, health, and clarity.  That voice is the guardian of our integrity.”

Today’s question (from Matt): What is the “worthless idol” you use to avoid real life?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “A theology of no more pain”

Worthless idols

A tiny dirt road

“And if we want life that isn’t driven by our past hurts, we must squeeze ourselves onto a tiny dirt road and trust that it will lead us somewhere good.”- Matt Bays

“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”- Matthew 7:14 (NIV)

In Chapters 2 (“One-sided Prayers- It’s Not Adding Up”) and 3 (“The Chain- Kicking God Out of Your Life”) of Finding God in the Ruins, Matt Bays addresses not feeling the need to protect God’s reputation and eradicating inaccurate perceptions of God from your life.

Matt voices his concern about people who resist an honest doubt or two.  Pastor Bays believes unexpressed doubt can be toxic.  Matt was drawn to finding real answers to life’s most powerful questions.

Even as a young boy, Matt realized that a part of him already loved God, although he couldn’t explain how or even why.  At eight years old, Matt said God “occupied an easy chair inside me.”  But Matt was unable to reconcile experiences at home with this loving God in an easy chair.

Pastor Bays describes his stepdad as on for whom sin would “continue to be a full-contact sport.”  Matt carried many caustic memories with him for almost thirty years.

Alcohol became his “worthless idol.”  He needed a life that wasn’t driven by past hurts, to squeeze himself on a tiny dirt road- being redeemed by finding God in the ruins.  He needed to start from scratch in his relationship with God.

Today’s question: What Scriptures have helped you return to the tiny dirt road?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Worthless idols”

 

A tiny dirt road

Redemption

“And so it seems that the very word redeemed needs its own personal redemption.”- Matt Bays

As Matt Bays concludes Chapter 1 of Finding God in the Ruins, he expresses his belief that redemption has been misunderstood.  Pastor Bays offers his own personal take on how modern Christianity has defined the term:

Redemption (n).  A state of existence in which the faithful to God receive what they expect to receive out of life (and out of God), and what ails them is converted into something fresh and new (getting the desires of one’s heart).

Matt emphasizes that when redemption is defined this way, it becomes hard to approach God, unless it is in the context of getting what we want.  This then leads either to disillusionment with God or a petty and shallow faith experience.  We may feel God owes us- that because we are chosen, He should deliver.

Furthermore, we may equate the word redeemed with the removal of pain.  We envision whatever is broken in our lives getting fixed within a specified time frame.  To correctly understand redemption, Matt differentiates between the unredeemed and the redeemed.

The unredeemed

a.  those whose lives have been neither helped not healed by the usual remedies

b.  have experienced great loss and continue to experience the residual pain of despair

c.  believe their promise of redemption seems far away from the here and now

d.  think their pain isn’t going away soon- if ever

The redeemed

a.  acknowledge the harsh reality of their broken story- to the best of their ability

b.  accept that their pain does not define them

c.  have somehow managed to find God in the ruins

d.  have the capacity to be reasonably happy despite their pain and allow God to use their brokenness for good

Matt concludes:

“But redemption will always be the most powerful when we can trace God’s hand along the way. . . . Looking back to see where God’s hands have pushed the clay of brokenness into something we never thought it could become is truly redemptive.”

Today’s question: Do you currently fit in with the unredeemed or the redeemed?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “A tiny dirt road”

Redemption

Simply being present

In Chapter 1 (“The Pen- Where is God?”) of Finding God in the Ruins, Matt Bays suggests the best approach to dealing with hurting people is simply being present.  By simply being present, you are God’s hands to hurting people.  You are willing to stand with them, even if they stop believing.  Pastor Bays offers these appropriate words of simply being present:

“I’m so sorry for all you are going through.  You are going to make it, and I’m going to be there for you if you need me.  You don’t need to be anything other than what you are in this moment.”

Matt believes we should consider another possibility why God has placed hurting people in our lives.  Perhaps they are God’s gift to us.  As we stand with them, they are teaching us how to grieve, how to plumb the depths of despair and survive, how to find grace.

Matt explains why it is so difficult for us when pain gets personal:

” . . . we have little patience for survival that looks like depression, despair, or unbelief, because if we allow others unbelief, we have to allow ourselves unbelief.  If we allow others despair, we realize that we ourselves could also despair.”

Simply being present means we must listen, not presume.  We need to listen to, feel, and hear the stories of hurting people- then take a deep breath before we speak a word.  Matt emphasizes that we must struggle to understand “what we would need if their story were our story.”

Today’s question: What friends have helped you by simply being present following your ministry downsizing or vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Redemption”

Simply being present

Every falling tear

David a year before failed Rice Krispies/orange juice experiment.

“When we can’t bottle our tears up anymore, God catches every one in His bottle.  God’s catching every falling tear because He won’t let us fall apart.”- Ann Voskamp

“You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.”- Psalm 56:8 (New Living Translation)

There must be a chemistry gene in the Henning family DNA.  My father, William, participated in his high school chemistry club and worked many years testing corrosion inhibitors.  While at Luther South, I took chemistry plus an advanced chemistry elective.  My fascination with chemistry, however, began much earlier- at age three.

One morning I was sitting in my high chair with my breakfast of Rice Krispies and orange juice.  I developed a hypothesis to make my breakfast more efficient and create a new taste sensation- combining the Rice Krispies (in milk) with orange juice!  The results were  catastrophic!  Unbottled tears followed.  I refused to eat my combination.  Mom was not amused.  She refrigerated my mushy concoction for consumption at dinner.

I dined in solitary confinement, the only illumination coming from the stove light.

Mark Batterson writes in The Circle Maker that each and every one of your teardrops is precious to God.  He keeps track of every one.  God remembers, honors, and collects each teardrop.  In much the same way, God collects your prayers.  Each one is precious to Him and sealed by Him.  Noted British Particular Baptist preacher Charles Spurgeon (1834-1892) once described tears as liquid prayers:

“Let us learn to think of tears as liquid prayers; and of weeping as a constant dropping of importunate (pressingly entreating, earnestly requesting) intercession which will wear its way right surely into the very heart of mercy, despite the stony difficulties which obstruct the way.”

Pastor Batterson emphasizes that how you get there is just as important as where you end up.  It’s true in life and it’s true in prayer- the harder the better.  Throughout your life, you won’t remember the things that came easy; you’ll remember the things that came hard.  God will provide exciting answers to long and boring prayers.  When you feel frustrated by the process, Mark encourages you to stop, drop and pray.  Meredith Andrews reminds us about every falling tear:

“He is near to the brokenhearted,

Closer still than the air you breathe,

Every tear falling in the darkness,

Jesus sees.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoQbCxPuLNQ

Every falling tear

God, in real life

“God, in real life, is nothing like the God we’ve been taught about in church.”- Matt Bays

Matt Bays rivets your attention and at the same time sets the tone for Finding God in the Ruins: How God Redeems Pain with the opening sentence of his preface: “God, in real life, is nothing like the God we’ve been taught about in church.”  Or, as Jeff Manion (The Land Between) wrote in reference to the Israelites wandering in the wilderness: “They had known about God’s faithfulness in theory, but now they would be called upon to know through experience.”

Matt observes that anyone who has experienced pain or devastating loss knows that in the immediate moments- as well as the terrible aftermath- of that horrific experience “hell often feels more powerful than heaven.”  Pastor Bays explains how suffering and doubt are necessary components of faith:

“What if our sufferings and doubt are necessary components- or even the very essence of faith?  [I] was told to be careful, that my questions could drive me away from my faith altogether.  Doubt is a part of life, and our faith can be strengthened when we increase our understanding of who God really is by allowing ourselves to ask the difficult questions.”

Matt has written Finding God in the Ruins so that he can come alongside you in your troubles.  He ends his preface with this encouragement:

“Together, I want to see if we might find God sitting in the ruins of our lives, shaking his head, same as us, over all that has happened.”

Today’s question: Following your ministry downsizing or vocation loss, how has experiencing “God, in real life” strengthened your faith?  Please share.

Coming Monday: the new Short Meditation, “Every falling tear”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Simply being present”

God, in real life

How to Forgive

How to Forgive (Harvest House, 2007)

June Hunt, founder and CEO of Hope For The Heart- a worldwide biblical counseling ministry- wrote How to Forgive . . . When You Don’t Feel Like It in 2007.  When June first became a Christian while in her teens, she discovered God had one standard or commandment: love one another and even love your enemies.  In other words, hate no one.  Ms. Hunt emphasizes that God does not set aside that standard based on any one person’s specific situation.  There are no exceptions.  Those who don’t grasp this true meaning of forgiveness live with embedded bitterness.  Forgiveness, then, is not something we can accomplish with our own strength.  Forgiveness is supernatural.  We need Christ’s strength.

June states that “learning to forgive is nothing short of learning to think like God.”  As we learn to think like God, we renew our minds.  Without a proper understanding of God’s unconditional forgiveness, Ms. Hunt believes, it is almost impossible to forgive someone who has deeply hurt us.  Although forgiveness begins with pain, June underscores the idea that “pain should never stand in the way of forgiveness.”  Therefore, it is unproductive and unwise to hold God responsible for our pain.  Blaming God looks back and places the focus on our pain.  Trusting God, in contrast, looks forward and focuses on His plan.

Within God’s will, suffering has a purpose.  June stresses that our understanding of forgiveness must being with this truth: “By God’s design, you are the master of your mind  (italics author’s).”  Thinking and acting like God are necessary to sustain you throughout the process of complete forgiveness.  The process of complete forgiveness consists of four stages: facing the offense, feeling the offense, forgiving the offense, and finding oneness.  Deep wounds must heal from the inside out.  Forgiveness, then, is not a single event.  Forgiveness is a way of life.

Forgiveness is a gift.  When you forgive, you are blessed in giving that gift- whether or not your offender or wounder is willing to receive it.  Ms. Hunt comes back to her central theme:

“The primary reason God wants us to forgive is because forgiveness sets us free to be all He designed us to be.”

Forgiveness is powerful, purposeful, and pervasive.  It produces a change of heart.  You get yourself back.

 

How to Forgive

A change of heart

“But by forgiving . . . I had a change of heart- I got myself back.”- Raul

June Hunt discusses the lasts four benefits experienced when we forgive as she concludes Chapter 13 of How to Forgive.

2.  Forgiveness brings improved potential.  Ms. Hunt states forgiveness has the power to set you free from the prisons of bitterness, anger, and revenge.  Forgiveness frees you to pursue your life with renewed passion and purpose.  You get yourself back.  June summarizes:

“Energy spent on anger and revenge is energy lost.  Forgiveness reclaims that energy and redirects it to make your life better than ever.”

3.  Forgiveness leads to greater Christlikeness.  Allow the Holy Spirit to produce His fruit in you- joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-25).

4.  Forgiveness points others to God.  Forgiveness is never the same when you experience it (in practice) for yourself.  Forgiveness will never again be theoretical.

5.  Forgiveness brings change to the world.  June beautifully explains this transformation:

“True forgiveness always begins in the privacy of a wounded heart as unseen yieldedness to God.  . . . The smallest act of forgiveness radiates outward, like ripples in a pond, and can change the destructive course of families, churches, communities, and even whole societies.”

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. understood forgiveness was far more than a political strategy.  In his book Strength to Love, Dr. King wrote:

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive.  Whoever is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love . . .”

Today’s question: Which benefit(s) of forgiving had the most impact on you?  Please share.

Coming Monday: the new Short Meditation, “Every falling tear”

Tomorrow’s blog: the latest addition to the Annotated Bibliography, How to Forgive

A change of heart

Three inner needs

Purple amethyst geode

“God created . . . each of us with three inner needs- needs for love, significance, and security.”- June Hunt

In Chapter 13 (“The Power of the Empty Bag- Fringe Benefits of Forgiveness”) of How to Forgive, June Hunt writes that only God can completely satisfy our three inner needs.  When we are able to recognize our inability to fully satisfy our needs, we can wisely accept God’s perfect provision.  Only God’s perfect provision will bring us God’s perfect peace.

Ms. Hunt tells us that geodes are magnificent crystals capable of forming inside any cavity beneath the earth’s surface.  While the exterior simply looks like a dull, rough rock, a slow and steady dripping of minerals inside one of those cavities, over time, becomes a sea of sparkling quartz.  June describes what it is like to harbor, then release, unforgiveness:

“When you harbor unforgiveness within you, it’s like shutting out the dripping of minerals that can create beautiful quartz crystals.  But when you release your unforgiveness to God and begin to pray for your offender, an amazing transformation occurs- God begins to produce shining character traits in you.”

Because forgiveness is powerful, purposeful, and pervasive, June discusses five benefits we experience when we forgive.  The first is presented today.

1.  Forgiveness leads to better health.  June states  she is amazed how many Christians compare forgiveness to being force-fed a dose of bad-tasting medicine, say castor oil.  Yet, unforgiveness can have profoundly negative effects on the way your body functions.  Forgiveness truly is the perfect prescription for wellness, enabling you to seize God’s gift of abundant life.  Brenda Goodman wrote in Psychology Today:

“If physical exercise had a mental equivalent, it would probably be the process of forgiveness.”

Today’s question: How have you been able to release your unforgiveness to God and satisfy your three inner needs?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “A change of heart”

 

 

Three inner needs

Your most powerful weapon

“Truth is your most powerful weapon.  Pick it up and use it.”- June Hunt

June Hunt concludes Chapter 12 of How to Forgive by discussing the final three letters of her acrostic (F-O-R-G-I-V-E-N) for dealing positively and effectively with guilt.

Verify truth when Satan accuses.  Ms. Hunt states you can count on Satan accusing you.  Accusation is Satan’s favorite weapon.  You must counter Satan by taking hold of truth.  Just as Jesus (in the desert) responded to Satan with the Word of God, you must respond with God’s Word whenever you are tempted to believe God’s forgiveness doesn’t apply to you.

Exchange your life for the life of Christ.  We need to accept the truth that none of us have the strength to live the Christian life without Christ living in us (Galatians 2:20).  June notes that your part is “to let go of your life in exchange for living in the power of His.”

Notice that God brings your feelings in line with the facts when you obey Him.  June describes how perseverance pays off:

“Perseverance in spite of what you feel pays off.  Forgiving others and forgiving yourself- even when you don’t feel like it- guarantees freedom.”

June informs us that the opal is prized for its array of colors inside a single stone.  Yet, an opal is fragile.  It easily can dry out and crack.  Overall, an opal is considered weak.

Ms. Hunt observes that you feel fundamentally weak when you compromise your convictions.  You may feel unworthy of love or unfit to embrace God’s grace.  June explains how light shines brighter in darkness:

“As any jeweler knows, the opal[s beauty is best displayed when placed on a dark background.  When you release your painful rocks to the Master Polisher, a black background will make you shine even brighter.”

Today’s question: Which letters of Ms. Hunt’s acrostic struck a chord with you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Three inner needs”

Your most powerful weapon

Too good to be true?

“If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.”- Old adage

June Hunt continues her discussion of the acrostic F-O-R-G-I-V-E-N in Chapter 12 of How to Forgive.

Realize that God means what He says.  Ms. Hunt states that “God’s grace is free- and enough.”  But, she adds, that doesn’t mean God’s forgiveness is accepted.  Jaded adults can be suspicious of something “too good to be true.”  June states suffering from prolonged guilt is a sign you haven’t learned to take God at His word.  June encourages you to:

“Choose to believe what God says.  Thank Him for the gift of His Son, who paid for your forgiveness.  Do both, even if you don’t feel forgiven.”

Give up dwelling on the past.  Ms. Hunt emphatically states that yes, God’s forgiveness is too good.  But it’s true!  By clinging to the past and refusing to forgive yourself, you are playing God with your guilt.  You are claiming the right to undo the forgiveness Christ has extended to you.

Invest time in renewing your mind.  June reminds us that the only time we have is the present moment.  The past we feel so guilty about is gone.  The future we worry about is always out of reach. To forgive ourselves, we must be intentional in actively affirming what we know to be true about God’s grace.  In Ephesians 4:22-23 St. Paul reminds us:

“Put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds.”

Today’s question: How hard was it to give up dwelling on the past.  What helped you change your perspective?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Your most powerful weapon”

Too good to be true?

Forgiving ourselves

In Chapter 12 (“Buried Under Rocks of Regret- When the Person You Need to Forgive is You”) of How to Forgive, June Hunt states that, surprisingly, forgiving ourselves is not always easy to do.  It may even be more difficult than forgiving others.

Ms. Hunt uses the powerful acrostic F-O-R-G-I-V-E-N to help you deal positively and effectively with y0ur guilt- in the process allowing God to fully apply His completed work of redemption.  “F” and “O” are covered today.

Find the source of your guilt.  True guilt is our friend and a spiritual signal something is wrong, as Ms. Hunt explains:

“True guilt is a spiritual warning.  It tells us our sins are veiling who we are, children of God, and what we’re called to do, reflect His image (emphasis June’s).”

While true guilt is based on specific sinful actions, false guilt causes a deep sense of unworthiness.  We perceive ourselves as basically defective and can’t stop blaming ourselves.  False built is toxic.  God’s purpose for guilt is for correction and building up.  God’s purpose is not to destroy your heart or cripple your soul and spirit.

Own responsibility for your sin.  Once you’ve identified the source of your guilt, the next step is to repent and confess the offense.  In Why Forgive?, Johann Christoph Arnold wrote that “guilt works in secret, and it loses its power only when it is allowed out into the open.”

June adds that if guilt feelings persist after you have confessed your sins to God and accepted His forgiveness, it could be that you need to repair the damage caused by your offense in order to be completely free.

Today’s question: Has “forgiving ourselves” been a personal issue for you following your vocation loss?  What has  helped you deal positively and effectively with your guilt?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Too good to be true”

Forgiving ourselves

The faith factor

As June Hunt concludes Chapter 11 of How to Forgive, she discusses the faith factor as it relates to dealing with suffering.  Ms. Hunt states that whether we succeed in turning blame and bitterness into healing and hope “depends on our willingness to exercise our faith in God, to trust Him, even when we must draw upon every ounce of energy and hold on to the thinnest of threads.”

June notes that sometimes we need to take the apostle Paul’s comforting words of Romans 8:28 by faith:

“We know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

It is possible we may never understand God’s higher purpose for our suffering or get to see our pain bear fruit.  As the author points out, that’s easy enough to say when you’re at a safe difference from suffering.  In other words, it’s easier to recite Romans 8:28 than to apply it.

Ms. Hunt emphasizes the importance of our attitude toward God when we’re in the midst of suffering:

“Blaming God for our suffering looks back and focuses on our pain.  Trusting God looks forward and focuses on His plan.”

Diamonds, the hardest know natural substance in the world, take years of intense pressure and high temperatures for the carbon to transform itself into a beautiful, valued gem.  Similarly, the Master Jeweler preplanned how He will use the heat and pressure of injustice in your life- unless the rugged rocks of resentment in your heart interfere with His handiwork, stalling the process of transformation.  June adds:

“As you dig deep to remove those rocks and hand them to the Redeemer, He will cut and craft them into dazzling diamonds.  They then become a shining testimony of His purpose through pain- no longer do they remain diamonds in the rough.”

Today’s question: How does the faith factor support your response to the pain and suffering of your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Forgiving ourselves”

The faith factor

Holding God responsible

“Holding God responsible for our pain is as unproductive as it is unwise.”- June Hunt

June Hunt begins Chapter 11 (“Blindsided by a God-sized Boulder: ‘Oh God, How Could You Do This?’ “) of How to Forgive by noting that the vast majority of wounded people don’t allow their bitterness to consume them.  However, many people are deeply embittered.  They harbor sustained anger toward God.  This anger is fed by the belief that God could have or should have shielded them from devastating adversity.

In subtle or overt ways, wounded people are holding God responsible.  As Ms. Hunt notes, to view God as cruel and unjust “drains our lives of hope and leads to deep despair.”  June adds that the main reason we think this way is rooted in misunderstanding the purpose of life.

Our contemporary culture is one of comfort and a sense of entitlement.  We believe happy, healthy, prosperous, and cushy lives are our birthright.  While it is not inherently wrong to live that way, the problem arises when comfort becomes the ultimate goal of our existence.  C. S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity that comfort never was meant to be our purpose:

“Comfort is one thing you cannot get by looking for it.  If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will get neither comfort or truth- only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair.”

Although researchers have discovered that “pain is the gift no one wants, pain is a vial to recovering from our wounds as well as avoiding worse ones.  If pain didn’t really hurt, we’d simply ignore its message and miss its refining effect.  In other words, pain has a higher purpose.

Suffering never is in vain.  It produces endurance, character, hope, and love (Romans 5:35).  Even the smallest step away from resentment is a step toward God’s freedom.

Today’s question: Have you ever found yourself holding God responsible for your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The faith factor”

Holding God responsible

Prayer redirects our hearts

“Prayer redirects our hearts- we focus on the need instead of the fault.”- June Hunt

“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”- Matthew 5:44 (NKJV)

In Chapter 10 (“Breaking the Power of Your Pelter- Praying for Those Who Pelt You”) of How to Forgive, June Hunt states that the Greek word agape, translated “love” in Matthew 5:44, intrinsically means “a commitment to seek the highest good of another person.” Ms. Hunt defines what it means to pray for our offender’s highest good:

“We pray not that the Lord will prosper that person, but that He will cause growth and maturity.  We pray that whatever prompted our enemy to harm us- pride, arrogance, selfishness, deceit- will be addressed by God in His way and in His time.”

June compares our enemies to geodes- rough and rugged on the outside with no apparent beauty, yet containing beautiful crystals on the inside.  God knows the potential that lies within our enemies.  Over time, something extraordinary may be created.  Ms. Hunt goes on to discuss two benefits of praying for our enemies:

1.  Prayer insulates us from bitterness.  June states that when you consistently pray for your offender’s spiritual growth, change occurs within your heart.  Praying for someone consistently provides an added benefit- you develop compassion for that person.  Ms. Hunt explains:

“Through prayer, the Holy Spirit softens the hardened pieces of our hearts, hatred is turned to love, the bitter is turned to sweet.  We begin to see our enemies through God’s eyes.”

2.  Prayer allows us to be controlled by the Spirit, not the offender.  By refusing to pray for our enemy, we give power to that person.  The offender continues to control what we do.  Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we can experience tremendous freedom when Christ controls our thoughts and actions.

Today’s question: How might June’s statement that “prayer redirects our hearts” transform your view of your wounders?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Holding God responsible”

Prayer redirects our hearts

Forgiveness is not enablement

June Hunt concludes Chapter 9 of How to Forgive by focusing on three points illustrating that forgiveness is not enablement.  Ms. Hunt stresses that there isn’t anything noble or godly about giving irresponsible people additional opportunities to take advantage of you.  Furthermore, God assuredly doesn’t want you to facilitate others’ irresponsible behaviors.

1.  Enablement means putting yourself in a position of being offended again and again.  Forgiving the person who hurt you is one thing.  Subjecting yourself to further harm is another.

2.  Enabling never helps offenders change but further ingrains their bad habits.  As June notes, enabling “only perpetuates a destructive pattern of pummeling.”  If you overtly or implicitly indicate it is okay for your offender to continue his/her inappropriate behavior, you are giving permission for the offender to repeat wrongdoing.

3.  Enablers are classic people pleasers who don’t know when they should say no.  When you say ‘yes’ to irresponsible people when you should be saying ‘no’, in reality your are actually saying no to Christ.  In Galatians 2:10, the apostle Paul said, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God?  Or am I trying to please men?  If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

When you are an enabler, it is quite possible you subvert God’s will for your life as well as the life of your offender.  June adds:

“God never expects us to put ourselves in harm’s way when someone who hurts us shows no remorse.”

Even if your offender refuses to forgive, your bag still can be boulder-free!

Today’s question: How has Ms. Hunt enabled you to realize that forgiveness is not enablement?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Prayer redirects our hearts”

 

Forgiveness is not enablement

Reconciliation roadmap

As June Hunt continues Chapter 9 of How to Forgive, she offers a reconciliation roadmap telling us what will be required for the journey as well as what healthy, appropriate reconciliation looks like.  Ms. Hunt lists four provisions the offended need for the trip.

1.  Genuine forgiveness.  Ms. Hunt states reconciliation never will be successful unless your bag of bitterness has been thoroughly emptied.  In other words, you have finished the process of complete forgiveness.  Counselor Robert Enright describes why wholehearted forgiveness is necessary to support real reconciliation:

“Reconciliation without forgiveness is often no more than an armed truce in which each side patrols the demilitarized zone looking for incursions (a hostile entrance into a territory) by the other and waiting to resume hostilities.”

2.  Humility.  June writes that “righteous indignation” (aka ‘pride’) thwarts reconciliation.  Any attempt to think of yourself as better than your wounder or offender is counterproductive.  Ms. Hunt reminds us: “Even the most hurtful offenders are still just people who have, themselves, been hurt.”

3.  A willingness to risk.  Reconciliation takes the courage to be vulnerable, within reason.  Setting boundaries is different from closing off the border with an emotional iron curtain.  Reconciliation needs room to breathe and grow.  In The Four Loves, C. S. Lewis wrote:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable . . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

4.  Truth and love.  June notes that we are called by our God to be “speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).”  Love offers acceptance and mercy to the offender.  Truth boldly faces reality and calls wrong wrong.  As Ms. Hunt explains next, forgiveness does not equal enablement- implicitly condoning sin.  Yet, this confusion is a sticking point for many people.

Today’s question: Which provisions on June’s reconciliation roadmap are most meaningful to you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Forgiveness is not enablement”

Reconciliation roadmap

Forgiveness vs. reconciliation

In Chapter 9 (“Steering Clear of Stone-Throwers: Forgiveness Is One Thing, Reconciliation Is Another”) of How to Forgive, June Hunt explores the topic of forgiveness vs. reconciliation.  Ms. Hunt states that reconciliation after an offense is the ideal goal to strive for.  However, the differences between forgiveness and reconciliation are numerous.  Of the seven differences June describes, three caught my attention:

• Forgiveness is a decision to release the person who has harmed you; reconciliation is an effort to rejoin the person who harmed you.


• Forgiveness involves a change in thinking about the offender; reconciliation involves a change in behavior by the offender.


• Forgiveness is unconditional regardless of a lack of repentance; reconciliation is conditional based on repentance.

Ms. Hunt emphasizes that restored trust is the essential element in reconciliation.  Developing trust with another person takes time, even under the best of circumstances.  Therefore, it’s much more difficult to rebuild trust after that trust has been shattered!

When considering restoring a relationship, the use of common sense is essential to protect ourselves.  June cites Lord of the Rings author J. R. R. Tolkien:

“It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him.”

Ms. Hunt likens our not-so-beautiful thoughts toward those who have hurt us to the six-rayed pattern of the star sapphire.  That “asterism” distinguishes the star sapphire from all other gems.  It is second in hardness to diamonds.  June describes how God can create a stunning new asterism in your thinking:

” . . . you are to master your thoughts . . . with the help of the Master Engraver.  When you give Him your rocks of resentment, you allow Him to create a stunning new six-ray pattern. . . . This new pattern will display to all something more marvelous than the asterism atop the esteemed  star sapphire- a reflection of the mind of Christ.”

Today’s question: How has June clarified you understanding of forgiveness vs. reconciliation?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: Reconciliation roadmap”

Forgiveness vs. reconciliation

Thanks be to God

Hib and Judy Wiedenkeller- 50th Anniversary

“O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?  The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.  But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”- 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

“I’m not interested in having an orchestra sound like itself.  I want it to sound like the composer.”- Leonard Bernstein

In the mid-1980s, when Hales Corners Lutheran Church worshipped at the Grange campus, music director Hib Wiedenkeller established a tradition of alternately presenting the Christmas and Easter portions of the Messiah, complete with orchestra.  As the rehearsal pianist and performance harpsichordist, it was my responsibility to plunk out particularly problematic parts, play the piano score in rehearsal, and use the harpsichord in concert to maintain Hib’s set tempo for the orchestra .  However, there was one complication- my natural tendency to increase the tempo in direct proportion to my excitement.  Practices often were preceded by a smiling, gentle reminder from Hib to play Handel’s Messiah, not my “interpretation.”

Trying to have the harpsichord sound like myself would create musical chaos.  Max Lucado writes in A Gentle Thunder that emotion without knowledge is equally as dangerous as knowledge without emotion.  Knowing how to read the notes must be balanced with communicating the composer’s intent.  Pastor Lucado explains how this applies to our Christian walk:

“We Christians are prone to follow the book while ignoring the music.  We master the doctrine, outline the chapters . . . and stiffly step out on the dance floor of life with no music in our hearts.”

During the desert, land between transitional period following our ministry downsizing or vocation loss, our desire to set the tempo is inversely proportional to our perception of God’s inactivity and silence.  Yet, as Max points out, if we have ever been comforted or God has brought us peace when the world has brought us pain, we have heard the music.  Just as Jesus cry of “It is finished!” was no cry of defeat, neither is coming to the end of ourselves.  We have heard the music.  Pastor Lucado offers these encouraging words:

“A cry of defeat?  Hardly.  Had his (Jesus’) hand not been fastened down I dare say that a triumphant fist would have punched the dark sky.  No, this is no cry of despair.  It is a cry of completion.  A cry of victory.  A cry of fulfillment.  Yes, even a cry of relief.”

Thanks be to God!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfIr9hGQFSA

 

 

 

 

Thanks be to God