The battle is not yours

“Do not be afraid, and do not be dismayed by this great horde, for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”- 2 Chronicles 20:15

As Sara Horn continues Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she emphasizes that when we are intentional in living each day for Jesus and praying our way through it, something powerful happens.  This is important because not every moment of life is spent on a spiritual mountaintop with God.  At some point, every Christian has to return to the reality known as life.

When that reality hits, Christ’s joy and peace and kindness don’t always flow so easily from us.  We may wonder if those virtues are present at all.  Our natural tendency is to hold on to slights and offenses for dear life- if we let go something might change, and we won’t like it!  Sara explains the necessity of giving every day of our life to God:

“If I can intentionally give Jesus my days in any given week, I can be intentional with giving him every day of my life.  I can be deliberate about giving him the relationships in my life, even the hard ones . . . especially the hard ones.”

Sara asks one significant question: “Are the battles we chose the battles God has chosen for us?”  Even so, Sara stresses that the battle we really need to focus on in the battle within ourselves.  Only through God’s power can we choose the better way.

Today’s question: What battles do need to give up to the Lord?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the new Short Meditation for Holy Week/Easter- “We all, like sheep”

The battle is not yours

Benefit of the doubt

Today Sara Horn concludes her study of the Seven Habits of Highly Forgiving People in Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?.

4.  A highly forgiving person lives by the Golden Rule.  By reminding ourselves that we fail God daily and need His forgiveness, we become cognizant of our need to offer that same grace to others.

5.  A highly forgiving person meets with God regularly through prayer and Bible study.  We can make time for prayer and Bible study when we first make time with God a priority.  Sara emphasizes that highly forgiving people apply Romans 12:2 on a daily basis: “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”

6.  A highly forgiving person offers the benefit of the doubt to others when their actions are harmful or disappointing.  Sara points out that the temptation is to always assume the worst.  As we offer the benefit of the doubt to others, we remind ourselves that every one of us is human and mistakes can happen.

7.  A highly forgiving person consistently prays for other people.  When we pray for other people, especially those who rub us the wrong way, we are (1) bringing someone else before our heavenly Father and (2) softening our hearts towards people and situations.

Today’s question: Which of the Seven Habits of Highly Forgiven People have you already incorporated into your Christian walk?  Which habits still need work?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The battle is not yours”

 

Benefit of the doubt

Highly Forgiving People

“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”- Luke 6:27-28

Sara Horn follows her study of highly resentful people with the Seven Habits of Highly Forgiving People in Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?.  The first three habits are discussed in today’s post.

1.  A highly forgiving person is intentional about living in peace.  Sara states that “forgiveness . . . requires stepping out of your comfort zone and letting go of your wants and expectations.”  The powerful actions Jesus describes in Luke 6:27-28 can produce peaceful results.

2.  A highly forgiving person is kind.  She cares more about doing the right thing in a given situation that what is in it for her.  Sara asserts that it is possible to practice kindness and get in the habit of being kind when  you do it often enough.  When we practice the characteristics of kindness, we are prepared to offer forgiveness when needed.

3.  A highly forgiving person is generous with her time, her money, and her life.  A generous spirit and offering forgiveness go hand in hand.  When giving becomes our default setting, it is easier to give grace and second chances as well.

Today’s question: What Scriptures have helped you develop a forgiving attitude toward those responsible for your vocation loss?  Please share.

Coming Wedesday: the new Short Meditation for Holy Week/Easter- “We all, like sheep”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Benefit of the doubt”

 

Highly Forgiving People

Secure in Christ

Today Sara Horn concludes her discussion of Seven Habits of Highly Resentful People in Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?.

3.  A highly resentful person is constantly disappointed by others and by life in general.  Many of the disappointments we face in life are legitimate and hurtful.  However, resentment can take hold of us when we place higher expectations on someone or something than warranted.

4.  A highly resentful person is dissatisfied with some area of her life, if not several.  Dissatisfied people complain about what’s not right in their life or what they wish would change, but are unwilling to put forth the effort necessary to make those changes.  They play the blame game- it’s always the fault of someone else.  These habits should cue us that wholeness only comes from Christ.

5.  A highly resentful person avoids spending time with God.  When God is active and working in our heart, there is no room for a resentful spirit to reside.  We must be intentional in spending time in God’s Word or talking with Him.

6.  A highly resentful person is quick to get angry.  Sara states that “resentment is a breeding ground for bad tempers.”  Ecclesiastes 7:9 implores us: “Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.”

7.  A highly resentful person hangs on to pride.  Here self-worth becomes caught up in our accomplishments.  If, in our eyes, someone else does something better, we diminish our value in response.  Sara states: “Pride starts when insecurity peaks.  Be secure in Christ.”

Today’s question: Which of the Seven Habits of Highly Resentful People characterize you following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Highly Forgiving People”

Secure in Christ

Resentment

“It (love) is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”- 1 Corinthians 13:5-6

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”- Nelson Mandela

In Chapter 2 (“Letting Go of the Hurt”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Hor observes that when we resent other people, we become preoccupied with our own insecurities and get caught up in our personal inadequacies.  Sara then presents Seven Habits of Highly Resentful People to help us identify what it looks like to be entrapped in a life of resentment.  The first two habits are discussed today.

1.  A highly resentful person never stops grumbling.  Just like the Israelites in the wilderness, when we practice grumbling more grumbling surely will follow.  Sara says that when grumbling becomes our default setting, we need to remember the words of St. Paul in Philippians 2:14-15a: “Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure.

2.  A highly resentful person always seems to be offended by something.  Sara notes that self-righteous thinking, feelings of superiority, snap judgments, and negative first impressions all are part of the I’m Offended package.  We are more likely to be offended when we convince ourselves that we are sinless and deserving.

Today’s question: To what degree has resentment been a factor following your ministry downsizing or vocation loss?  Please share.

Coming Wednesday: the new Short Meditation for Holy Week/Easter- “We all, like sheep”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Secure in Christ”

Resentment

Bought at a price

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

As Sara Horn concludes Chapter 1 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she states that if there is a lesson that she’s learned as a result of the most recent experiences and journeys God has taken her through, it is that her life is not her own.  Having Christ in our hearts means complete surrender of our wills to His.  Overlooking the hurts and grievances that have come from other people is part of that surrender.

Perhaps, Sara notes, we have been praying for years that God would heal our deep, lingering wounds and scars, so we could move on with our life.  What we may not realize is that God already is working on those scars, on that healing.  Sara emphasizes that God is just waiting for us to meet Him halfway:

“Jesus may be asking something of you today as he prepares to heal your heart, as he helps you let go and get ready to move on from the things keeping you from living the fuller life he desires for you.”

We need to stop listening to the white noise and start listening for God’s voice.

Today’s question: What is keeping you from living the fuller life Christ desires for you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Resentment”

Bought at a price

The foundation of walls

Today Sara Horn continues her discussion of five potential white N-O-I-S-Es in our life, covering the remaining four noises.

2.  Other people’s opinions.  Sara points out that, as much as we value our own opinions, we want to know what others think.  The problem arises when we don’t like those opinions or we’re unsure what to do with them when they don’t integrate with ours.

We also run into difficulty when we accept other people’s opinions as truth rather than as thoughts we have a choice to accept or dismiss.  That establishes the foundation of walls God doesn’t want in our lives.

3.  Inconsiderate friends and family.  Due to the nature of family relationships, family members may say things to us they would never say to a friend, fellow church member, or a stranger.  We must be careful that such slights or undeserved remarks don’t stay with us, creating a low hum that always is in the background.

4.  Stingers.  These are words said to you as a child that you’ve never forgotten.  They are the harshest of the white noise and the genesis of a deep-rooted resentment you are unaware of because you’ve lived with it for so long.

5.  Elevated problem.  This is a combination of other noises.  Because the hurtful comments or ongoing conflict grow quickly and the pressure of this noise feels enormous and constant, it feels impossible to let go.

Today’s question: Which white noise or noises has drowned out the sound the Lord wants you to hear?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Bought at a price”

The foundation of walls

White noise

“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.”- Matthew 5:44-45

In Chapter 1 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn notes that Jesus talks about forgiveness in the context of prayer, a reminder that forgiving is only part of the process.  We also need to pray for those who hurt.

To truly appreciate God’s unconditional love for us, we need a better understanding of forgiveness.  Sara believes this better understanding will happen when we begin listening- to ourselves, to others, and to God.  To be good listeners, we must identify the white noise of bitterness, frustration, and self-doubt that drowns out what the Lord wants us to hear.  As Sara states: “What distracts our hearts distracts our souls.”

Sara asks if we can identify white N-O-I-S-Es in our life.  “N” is discussed today.

1.  Negative Self-Talk.  Sara emphasizes that the negative statements we allow to penetrate our hearts are more than statements- they are lies.  This negative stance, Sara points out, has far-reaching consequences:

“When you believe that nothing can ever change in yourself or others, you will never see the importance of forgiving yourself or somebody else.”

Today’s question: What negative thoughts have penetrated your heart following your ministry downsizing or vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The foundation of walls”

 

White noise

Soul Keeping

Soul Keeping (Zondervan, 2014)

Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You by John Ortberg was published in April, 2014.  Based on John’s conversations with Dallas Willard, Soul Keeping expands our understanding of the human soul by discussing what the soul is, what the soul needs, and the soul restored.

The search for the would always begins with our great hurt.  We want to know that our soul is not alone, that our Father’s face is turned toward our soul.  Our soul’s health is important because the soul integrates our mind, body, and will into a single whole.  The presence of sin, however, causes the soul to malfunction, to dis-integrate.  Since sin breaks the connection with God, the basic human problem is at the soul level.  Yet we live in a world that does not teach us to pay attention to what matters.  Despite everything in our world being all wrong, the soul can be all right.

John’s definition of the spiritual life is “to place the soul each moment in the presence of God.”  Our soul needs to be with God in order to be well. As we walk with God, our soul thrives when we deliberately look for Him in the ordinary moments of everyday life.  Sustaining spiritual practices connect us to God’s grace, energy, and joy- filling us with grace for our life.  Ultimately, though, the soul craves rest.  John states: “The soul was made to rest in God the way a tree rests in soil.”

It is paradoxical to note that while the soul is incapable of satisfying itself, it also is incapable of living without satisfaction.  The only way for the soul to find satisfaction is in God.  Thus the fundamental mind-set of the soul is gratitude.  This gratitude will not come from acquiring more things or from our experiences.  Gratitude comes from an awareness of God’s presence and goodness.  Dallas Willard stresses that even the dark night of the soul is a “test of your joyful confidence in God.”  Since God is worthy, we can give our situation and feelings joyfully into His hands.  God is the anchor our soul needs.

 

 

 

Soul Keeping

Distracting crescendos

“Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses.”- Proverbs 10:12

As Sara Horn continues Chapter 1 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she observes that when we allow hard feelings to fester and don’t resolve them, they build to distracting crescendos in our brain.  We know that we must deal with conflict, at least within ourselves.  Yet, Sara states, “knowing and doing can sometimes feel like trying to jump over the Grand Canyon.”

“Doing” becomes more difficult when those responsible for our ministry downsizing or vocation loss perceive that we are the only ones who have a problem.  From their perspective, the situation is a non-issue.  They’ve moved on.  They’re not part of the conversation.

People are complicated- and we cannot control them.  As Sara emphasizes, forgiveness is a process that begins with us:

“But for a lot of us, saying ‘I’m sorry” or deciding to no longer hold a grudge toward someone or something is just the beginning of what has to happen when we’re talking about forgiveness.”

As Sara concludes, forgiveness isn’t just ignoring bad behavior or acting like we don’t see or care.  Sara cites pastor and author Tony Evans:

“[forgiveness isn’t] pretending like it didn’t happen or like it didn’t hurt.  That’s called lying.  Forgiveness is a decision to release a debt regardless of how your feel.”

Today’s question: What has been foundational in helping you initiate the process of forgiveness?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the Annotated Bibliography of Soul Keeping

Distracting crescendos

Dealing with conflict

How Can I Possibly Forgive?  Rescuing Your Heart from Resentment and Regret is the latest book from author Sara Horn.  Her previous books include My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife.  Sara begins Chapter 1 (“Listening Through the Noise”) by observing that there are three popular choices people make when they don’t want to have a difficult conversation with someone:

1.  Do I really even need to have this conversation?  Sara observes that this choice is the most obvious as well as the first one for many.  However, this choice is problematic because there is no set of guidelines or a peer mediation model for dealing with conflict as an adult.  Furthermore, there is no law forcing someone to talk things out with you.

2.  How do I win this discussion?  How do I get my way on this issue?  Here we think through the tactics we learned when we participated in mock debates in school.  We come up with arguments why the other person is wrong and we are right.  Perhaps we’ll come up with statements acknowledging the other person’s position, but twist them so that the other person will have to acknowledge that we are correct.

3.  Will she say she’s sorry?  Will he admit he was wrong?  When we’ve been wounded deeply by the words or actions of another, all we want is some relief from the pain and an apology as a good start.  We also may debate the merits of apologizing ourselves.

Today’s question: Which of the three choices resonates most with you following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Distracting crescendos”

Coming Monday: the Annotated Bibliography of Soul Keeping

Dealing with conflict

Joyful confidence in God

As John Ortberg concludes Chapter 16 of Soul Keeping, he notes that Walter Brueggeman speaks of “psalms of disorientation.”  The are psalms in which the soul is disoriented, God appears to be absent, and darkness is winning.  The psalmist vents and boils over at God rather than demonstrating a polite piety- an honest faith.

John speaks of his own darkest time some years ago, when his greatest disappointment was deep and unfixable.  He questioned his calling.  John contacted Dallas Willard, eager for his answer.  Dallas responded:

“This will be a test of your joyful confidence in God.”

Pastor Ortberg cites nineteenth-century writer Frederick Ferber (Growth in Holiness, 1854), who described the patience that leads to joyful confidence:

“In the spiritual life God chooses to try our patience first of all by His slowness.  He is slow; we are swift and precipitate (rushing headlong or rapidly onward).  It is because we are but for a time, and He has been for eternity. . . . Wait and He will come.  He never comes to those who do not wait.  He does not go their road.  When He comes, go with Him, but go slowly; fall a little behind; when He quickens His pace, be sure of it, before you quicken yours.  But when He slackens, slacken at once; and do not be slow only, but silent, very silent, for He is God.”

As John concludes, “the soul is a ship that needs an anchor.”

Today’s question: How have you developed joyful confidence in God following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Dealing with conflict”

Joyful confidence in God