The lie of "never"

“From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.”- Isaiah 64:4

Charles Stanley’s latest book is titled Waiting on God: Strength for Today and Hope for Tomorrow.  Dr. Stanley begins Chapter 1 (“How Long, O Lord?”) with the observation that the word never can “stir the deepest fear in the bravest heart.”

1.  I’ll never find a job.

2.  This will never get better.

3.  The Lord will never answer my prayer.

Dr. Stanley asserts this is the lie that begins with our sinful nature, a lie designed to decisively put an end to all our hopes.  When we buy into the lie of “never” it’s like driving nails into the coffin of our deepest hopes and dreams.  The author goes on to describe the challenge of waiting on God:

“It’s the ability to keep hoping when the nevers of life bombard us- when the minutes and hours, days and years, tick away without any answers to our most passionate pleas at the throne of grace.  It’s the faith to hang on to the Father on the long road, when human reason tells us to give up.”

Dr. Stanley adds that we can know for certain that God is working, even though we may not see it.  Furthermore, the Father has an awesome plan for us.  But He also has a very specific schedule.  Dr. Stanley concludes the only “never” we should focus on is that God never will let us down.

Today’s question: What “nevers” have characterized your thinking following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “God’s timing and wisdom”

The lie of "never"

How Can I Possibly Forgive?

How Can I Possibly Forgive? (Harvest House, 2014)

How Can I Possibly Forgive? Rescuing Your Heart from Resentment and Regret is that latest book by Sara Horn.  Sara begins by stating that in order for us to appreciate the unconditional love God gives us and in turn asks us o give others, we need a better understanding of forgiveness.  To achieve that understanding we need to identify  the white noise in our life drowning out that the Lord wants us to hear.  As Sara notes, “what distracts our hearts distracts our souls.”  When we only see our pain, we cannot see God’s plan.  Focusing on our pain leads to bitterness.  We quickly can move from sadness to resentment and from denial to anger.

Bitterness, though, is not easy to hide.  Eventually we expose ourselves and our soul feelings come out.  Although we have big hurts, we have a bigger God.  People and situations fail us, but God never fails us.  Healing is a process, and forgiveness aids in that process.  Forgiveness involves dealing with the really hard stuff that is more difficult to forgive, let go, or even think about and discuss.  However, we are not left alone to figure out what to do- we have the Holy Spirit.  With God’s help and grace, we can see His righteousness in our hearts and lives.

Sara emphasizes that full satisfaction cannot be reached when our goal ends in us.  “What about me?” needs to change to “What about Him?”.  While forgiveness is not easy for us,  forgiveness is possible with God.  When we forgive, we make room for what God wants to do.  Forgiveness means giving up our claim for justice and our need to be right.  And sometimes we must recognize that we have to move on. Through it all, it is essential for us to rely on God’s forgiveness, faithfulness, and favor.

Sara cautions us that it is futile to stay angry with God- nothing good comes of it.  Yet, when our little bit of faith intersects with God’s faithfulness, God can do amazing things in us and through us.  We struggle most with hurt when we seek love from other people rather than Jesus.  We can choose to let it go.  Sara concludes:

“There is no sweeter sound than the exhale of release.  Forgiveness is possible when we give it all to God.”

 

 

How Can I Possibly Forgive?

The secret to forgiveness

In Chapter 10 (“Where Love Finds You”), the concluding chapter of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn states that the day-to-day bitterness and resentment many of us struggle with can be broken down to our basic need for love.  Furthermore, we struggle most with our hurt when we look to everyone and everything else for love, rather than relying on the only true source- Jesus.  Sara then reveals the secret to forgiveness:

“This is the secret to forgiveness.  When we feel filled up to the brim with God’s love, grace, and mercy, these things also pour out of us, and we can let go of the junk because there’s no room for it anyway- we’re already full of his love.”

Sara adds that when we love God and reflect on His love for us, we are so enveloped by God’s love that it is not a struggle to forgive someone else.  It is a joy.  One way or the other, we reflect to others the nature of our relationship with Christ.  Not only do we reflect what God’s love looks like to us, but what God’s love looks like in us.

Sara encourages us to be intentional in showing love to other people on a daily basis.  But to extend that love to that person who annoys us or hurt us, we must show intensional love- love with intensity.  Sara concludes:

“There is no sweeter sound than the exhale of release.  Forgiveness is possible when we give it all to God.”

Today’s question: How has Sara’s book deepened your understanding of forgiveness?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the Annotated Bibliography of How Can I Possibly Forgive?

The secret to forgiveness

Faith intersects with his faithfulness

In Chapter 9 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, author Sara Horn states that it is futile to remain angry with God because nothing good comes from it.  Sara relates a story she heard about a pregnant woman who was run off the road and killed when a firefighter who had just finished his shift fell asleep at the wheel.

The woman left behind her husband, a pastor, and a little girl- a toddler who would never know her mother.  Yet, a few years after the accident, the husband and the firefighter had become friends.  Reflecting on the experience, the husband offered these words of insight and encouragement:

“I never would have wanted to endure what I went through, and I never want to feel that way again, but I am who I am today because of what God has done in me through these circumstances, and for that I’m grateful.  God is faithful- when our little bit of faith intersects with his faithfulness, God shows up big and does some amazing things in us and through us.”

As Sara explains, it’s not so much about our story as it is about God’s story.  We’re part of the narrative.  Our life is not our own.  God is the Lord of our life.

Today’s question: What Bible verses have enabled you to center your thoughts on God’s faithfulness?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Let go of your anger”

 

Faith intersects with his faithfulness

Anger toward God

As Sara Horn continues Chapter 9 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she points out that the mistake we make in getting angry with God is that He is our only true source for receiving he help and peace we need.  We are implicitly saying that God is worse for us than better, that He is doing more damage than good in our life.  We place ourselves in a difficult position.

Sara explicitly states that our anger toward God is wrong.  However, it’s not wrong to ask God questions or to look, expect, and wonder- because this draws us closer to Him.

Why is it a bad idea to be angry with God in the first place?  Sara noes that when we allow ourselves to be angry with God:

1.  we ignore Scriptural truth that God desires our best, that He wants us not only to be happy, but holy.

2.  we deny that God works all things together for our good, believing God does not work through the bad things in life.  We limit God.

Manipulation, Sara observes, is what other people do.  God is holy and good.  He’s our Creator and our Lord.  God always is present with us.  He is faithful.  Only God can walk us through the storms of life.  He keeps His promises.

Today’s question: How has God demonstrated His faithfulness during your desert, transitional journey?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Faith intersecting with faithfulness”

 

Anger toward God

The hearing test

In Chapter 9 (“When You’re Mad at God”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn observes that non-Christians might respond to hurts, disappointments, and tragedies by asserting that God is out to get them.  Christians, however, may not want to verbalize that God is out to get them, yet secretly wonder if He is- or at least question what God’s thinking.

Sara acknowledges the frustration of calling out to God, but being unsure if He’s actually listening.  We may feel God is to blame because He’s the only one capable of intervening and relieving our stress or heartache- and it’s not happening fast enough to suit us.

Getting mad at God doesn’t heal our hearts, however.  We put ourselves in isolation.  Our feeling close us off, preventing us from hearing His voice.  Sara explains:

“When we separate ourselves from God, we prolong our problem and we delay the restoration that comes with forgiveness- God’s forgiveness of us.  We keep our relationships with our heavenly Father at arm’s length, and we miss out on his wisdom.  We miss out on his grace.  We don’t hear his voice.”

It’s like taking a hearing test in a special booth equipped with a chair and headphones.  There are periods of prolonged, uncomfortable silence.  Yet we must be listening for His voice.

Today’s question: What Scriptures have helped you restore your relationship with Jesus?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Anger toward God”

The hearing test

Faithfulness and favor

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and rich in faithful love.”- Psalm 103:8

“The one who searches for what is good finds favor, but if someone looks for trouble, it will come to him.”- Proverbs 11:27

Sara Horn concludes Chapter 8 of How Can I Possibly Forgive? by encouraging us to remember God’s faithfulness and favor when we are having trouble forgiving ourselves.  As we are intentional in reflecting on the many seasons of our life where we have seen God’s fingerprints touching and surrounding us, we can be confident that God will continue to strengthen us on our transformational journey in the Land Between.

God not only uses difficult moments in our life for teaching and correction, but He also uses these moments as a reminder that life simply is better when we put Him first.  Our thoughts and feelings help us move in one of two ways: they either help us move forward or they hold us in place.  What we think has a direct impact on how we feel.  When we sense that our feelings are holding us back, we need to concentrate on the good things about God and the good things in our life.

Today’s question: As you reflect on the various seasons in your life, what specific examples of God’s faithfulness and favor come to mind?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The hearing test”

 

 

 

 

 

Faithfulness and favor

Conviction or condemnation?

“Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”- Romans 8:1-2

In Chapter 8 (“Forgiving Yourself”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn begins by distinguishing between conviction and condemnation.  She notes: “There is a difference in the conviction God gives us when he wants our attention over something we need to change, and in the condemnation we put on ourselves.”

Sara states that when we’re not sure we’ve done anything wrong, it’s hard to let go of our resentment and blame.  How, then, do we forgive ourselves when we actually have done something wrong?   “Self-love”, or accepting ourselves “just the way we are”, only is capable of taking us so far.  We need God in our lives to feel forgiven, because God’s love never quits.

If we refuse to forgive or continue to hold grudges against ourselves, or demand personal perfection, essentially we are quitting on ourselves.  We create a problem, however, when we ask God to forgive us but are unable to forgive ourselves.  Rather than trying to figure out how to forgive ourselves, we need to rely on God’s forgiveness, faithfulness, and favor.

Today’s question: Following your vocation loss, have you felt more conviction or condemnation?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Faithfulness and favor”

Conviction or condemnation?

Open Spaces

“It is a sin for the person who knows to do what is good and doesn’t do it.”- James 4:17

“God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection.  Don’t run after them.”- attributed to Rick Warren

Sara Horn concludes Chapter 6 of How Can I Possibly Forgive? with strong encouragement for us to forgive, explicitly stating that when we refuse to forgive, we are the ones who are offending.  We deem ourselves more important than others- or even more important than God!

Conflicts are inevitable.  The key is our response.  Sara cites the story of Isaac in Genesis 26.  Isaac’s neighbors resented his success and went out of their way to make his life difficult.  Isaac was forced to move his herds and livestock three times because of quarrels that erupted with local herdsman whenever Isaac attempted to settle down in one area.

The first two wells Isaac dug he named Quarrel and Hostility, respectively.  Finally, at the last spot, Isaac named the well Open Spaces because God had “made room” for them (Genesis 26:22).  Similarly, rather than hunkering down and stubbornly asserting our rights following our vocation loss, we need to just move on.  God may be removing us from our place of conflict, negativity, and hurt for our protection.  Don’t run after them!

Today’s question: What is hindering you from moving on following your ministry downsizing or vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Conviction or condemnation”

Open Spaces

Entertaining angels unawares

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.”- Hebrews 13:2 (ESV)

“The wings of angels are often found on the backs of the least likely people.”- Eric Honeycutt

While I was an elementary school student in grades four through eight, I was blessed with two church families.  Ashburn Lutheran Church in Chicago was my home congregation where our family regularly attended worship.  Timothy Lutheran Church provided my Christian day school education, in which my parents took a very active role.  During my eighth grade year, Pastor Otto Thieme was assisted in ministry by Vicar Rodney Bathke.  As the 1964-1965 school year and Vicar Bathke’s stay at Timothy drew to a close, my mother Elinor extended her hospitality to Vicar Bathke with an invitation to Sunday dinner.  I took this farewell photograph of Vicar Bathke in our backyard.

Encamped by the great trees of Mamre, Abraham was a stranger in a foreign land.  Despite his isolation, Abraham trustingly walked through the open door the Lord provided:

“By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance.  And he went out, not knowing where he was going.  By faith, he went to a land of promise, as in a foreign land.”- Hebrews 11:8-9

Our ministry downsizing or vocation loss isolates us from former colleagues and our church family.  We compound the effects of that isolation by self-imposing restrictions on our contact with people of places associated with our loss.  The chains of exile bind us.  We feel powerless to act.  Yet, when we least expect it, Jesus and His angels minister to us in our aloneness, inviting us to participate in a fresh perspective.

A fourth-century church father, Ambrose described Abraham’s servant heart response to entertaining angels:

“A man ought therefor to be hospitable, kind, upright, not desirous of what belongs to another. . . . Such is the favor in which hospitality stands with God. . . . You see that Abraham, in looking for guests, received God Himself to entertain.”

Frederick Buechner believes God’s coming always is unforeseen because “if he gave us anything much in the way of advance notice, more often than not we would have made ourselves scarce long before he got there.”  Are we equipped to receive the Lord’s blessing and direction while entertaining angels unawares?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_3NXD4cKJY

 

 

Entertaining angels unawares

Draw near to God

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hearts, you sinners,  and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Be wretched and mourn and weep.  Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.   Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”- James 4:8-10

Today Sara Horn completes her presentation of Six Steps to Overcoming Discord, based on James 4:7-10.

3.  Draw near to God.  Sara exhorts us to step away from the enemy and to step close to experience God’s presence.  This means spending time in God’s Word.  When we feel frustrated or defeated, as if our hurt is too big for us to handle, we need to reach out to God, asking Him to draw near.

4.  Cleanse your hands and purify your heart.  In other words, Sara states, start over: “Clean out the junk in your heart and mind about that person or that situation you need to forgive.  Let it go, and don’t let it come back.

5.  Be miserable.  Sara observes that this verse might seem a bit odd.  Do we need to become miserable in order to forgive?  James is saying that we must be mindful of our own sinfulness, even if it’s only that we’ve allowed our hurt to build up and turn into resentment or anger.  Since God is gracious to us, we are able to extend grace and forgiveness to those who’ve hurt us.

6.  Humble yourself.  Sara notes that Jesus never defended Himself when others attacked.  He defended God.  When we humble ourselves before God, our joy and sense of well-being dwells with Him, not other people.

Today’s question: Which of the six steps do you need to address?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the new Short Meditation, “Entertaining angels unawares”

Draw near to God

Overcoming discord

“Submit yourselves to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”- James 4:7

Sara Horn concludes Chapter 7 of How Can I Possibly Forgive? with a discussion of six Steps to Overcoming Discord, based on James 4:7.  The first two steps are presented today.

1.  Submit to God.  We don’t like the word submit.  We don’t like using it to define our relationship with other people.  Sara adds that, if we’re honest, we’re sometimes uncomfortable saying it about our relationship with God.  Yet, God not only wants our love, He also wants our obedience.

Sara emphasizes that the secret to being able to forgive is learning how to submit our will to God.  God wants the best for us.  For this reason, God asks us to trust Him enough to follow Him wholeheartedly.  Although we don’t know what the future may bring, God walks with us every moment and step of our journey.

2.  Resist the devil.  When submission to God is our goal, many distractions are thrown at us in an attempt to convince us we need to concentrate on what we want to do.  While it’s tempting to harp on a situation that has hurt us, such fixation only sucks us down into a pit devoid of mercy, grace, and life.

When we are firmly planted with God, Satan can’t do anything about it.

Today’s question: Which of the first two steps have been problematic for you in overcoming discord?  Please share.

Coming Monday: the new Short Meditation, “Entertaining angels unawares”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Draw near to God”

Overcoming discord

The cost of forgiveness

Today Sara Horn concludes her discussion of five myths we fall for when it comes to forgiveness.

3.  Myth: Forgiveness requires reconciliation.  While forgiveness isn’t optional, settling differences or restoring a relationship isn’t always possible.  Someone else generally is part of the conflict equation, and we can’t control or dictate their actions and choices.  Although some things cannot be restored, Sara encourages us to learn, grow, and move on.

4.  Myth: Forgiveness requires an apology.  Sara points out that many of think offering forgiveness is contingent upon our offender specifically asking us to forgive him/her.    Sara explains why this is not true:

“We can forgive without someone asking for it because we recognize that what is sufficient for us is not the right  behavior of someone else but the grace God gives us, recognizing that in our weakest moments, God’s strength is greater, and it’s by his hand we can forgive.”

5.  Myth: Forgiveness doesn’t cost anything.  Sara believes that we are reluctant to forgive for one of two reasons: (1) we don’t acknowledge the cost of forgiveness or (2) we do realize the cost, but we’re not willing to pay the price.   Although forgiveness costs us our claim for justice as well as a part of ourselves, Sara emphasizes that “what we receive in place of what’s given far outweighs the price.

Today’s question: What hurdles have made you reluctant to take on the cost of forgiveness?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: Overcoming discord”

The cost of forgiveness

Forgiveness Myths

Sara Horn begins Chapter 7 (“Getting Over It and Other Myths”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive? by discussing five myths we fall for when it comes to forgiveness.  The first two forgiveness myths are presented in today’s blog.

1.  Myth: Forgiveness should be easy.  Sara astutely observes that “when we need it, forgiveness seems like it should be an easy thing to do.  But it’s a whole lot harder when we’re asked to give it.”  The author reminds us that when we forgive, we’re letting something go.  Our natural inclination, however, is to hold on.

Our human nature leaves us emotional, impulsive, quick to judgment, and slow to consideration for others.  But when Christ is in our heart, through the power of the Holy Spirit we don’t have to be enslaved by our sinful nature.  We are a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).  Sara concludes:

“So forgiveness isn’t easy for us, but it is possible with God.  And when we rely on him to help us forgive someone of their wrongs, we can anticipate the newness he will do in our own lives.”

2.  Myth: Forgiveness is optional.  Sara notes that convincing ourselves we will get over our hurt or offense without forgiving someone is a Band-Aid fix.  Many Scriptures, she adds, point to forgiveness as the best choice in life.  We can’t have God’s peace in our lives and love in our hearts for him if we refuse to forgive.  As Colossians 3:12-13 and Mark 11:25 state, forgiveness isn’t optional.

Today’s question: Have you bought into either of the first two forgiveness myths? Please share.

Coming Monday: the new Short Meditation, “Entertaining angels unawares”

Tomorrow’s blog: “The cost of forgiveness”

Forgiveness Myths

Three practical steps

In Chapter 6 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn offers three practical steps for overlooking a specific offense.

1. Stop putting words of value to your hurt.  Every time we bring up the subject of what’s bothering us or who’s hurting us by their words or actions, we are sustaining and strengthening the power of that hurt in our heart and in our life.  The white noise is being cranked up to full volume.  Sara states that we need to pray over our hurt, asking God to remove it from our life- and trust that He already has done so.  We also need to pray for the person(s) responsible for the hurt.  That prayer may not change them, but it will change our heart.

2.  Stop giving more credit to the hurt than it deserves.  Sara emphasizes that there is no reason for us to let hurts take over our life.  We can’t allow ourselves to wallow in or stagger around with our hurt.  Rather than letting the hurt control our life, we need to give our life back to God- praying to God to remove our hurt and help us find ways to move forward.

3.  Stop allowing room in your heart for the hurt.  There’s no room in our heart for hurts when our heart is filled with the knowledge and love of Christ.  Because Jesus’ heart is big enough for all our hurts, we can stop holding on to them.

Today’s question: Which of the three practical steps are most meaningful to you?  Please share.

New addition to Crown Jewels: “Plan A or Plan B?”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Forgiveness myths”

Three practical steps

Insight and patience

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.”- Proverbs 19:11

As Sara Horn continues Chapter 6 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she pauses to unpack Proverbs 19:11.  She believes there are great truths in this Scripture that we can apply when we desire to let go of our hurts.

1.  Insight.  Insight develops patience.  Patience, in turn, gives us the ability to overlook things normally offensive to us.  Sara stresses that merely having insight won’t prevent us from being hurt.  We must be firmly grounded in God’s Word so that we’re prepared and ready to deal with the hurts that inevitably come.  When we apply God’s truth that is in our hearts, we are able to more quickly let go of those hurts.

2.  Patience.  The practice of patience enables us to understand that people aren’t perfect.  They are flawed human beings, just like we are.  As Sara notes, patience helps us stop holding on to thing that aren’t ours to hold on to in the first place:

“This is where patience comes in.  When we lower our expectations of people and increase our trust in God, we worry less about what people do and more about what God wants us to do and how he wants us to respond in every situation.”

3.  Overlook the offense.  Being offended by others is not a new problem.  And we’re said hurtful things to others.  We need to stop taking things so personally.

Today’s question: Following your vocation loss, what offenses have been most difficult to overlook?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Three practical steps”

Insight and patience

Holding on

“So we must not tire of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.”- Galatians 6:9-10

In Chapter 6 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn sates that the human will is one hard cookie.  To illustrate, she relates the story of how hunters catch wild monkeys in Africa.  Hunters hollow out a coconut or cantaloupe with a hole slightly bitter than the monkey’s hand.  Inside hunters place a banana or peanuts.  When the monkey makes a fist around its “prize”, the monkey no longer can pull its hand out of the hole.

Essentially, the monkey gives up its life by refusing to let go- by holding on.  When we refuse to let go, we miss out on opportunities to serve God.  Furthermore, God can’t work through us or in us.  We convince ourselves that no one cares.  We overlook God’s blessings and gifts.  Sara offers these words of encouragement and challenge:

“But God cares very much.  He will put people in our paths to remind us of that fact.  He will also put people in our paths to challenge us.”

As we grow in our understanding of God’s bigger picture in our lives and the lives of others, we will develop patience.  With patience, we’ll be more willing to disregard the negative words and actions of others.

Today’s question: To what offense are you still holding on?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Insight and patience”

 

Holding on

What about me?

“When we don’t forgive, something dies.  Something moves closer to the edge of death.”- Sara Horn

As Sara Horn begins Chapter 6 (“Holding On to Hurts”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she stresses that when we continue to harbor resentment and hatred toward those who have wronged us, something dies within us- hope, trust, mercy, compassion.  All of these are qualities we need and cannot afford to lose.

Sara states that we need to turn the white noise off by confronting and addressing the ever-present question we implicitly ask when we talk about our hurts: What about me?  Sara explains that this is the question that:

” . . . rests on our hearts, whispered in our minds, sometimes written in jagged, crooked letters in journals and diaries, and sometimes when we just don’t feel like anyone hears us anymore, we scream it from our lips or softly say in tearful prayers, What about me?”

We are unlikely to get an answer to this question, Sara adds, because we never can reach full satisfaction when our goal ends in us.  Our question needs to be rephrased.  “What about me?” must become “What about Him?”

As Christians, theoretically we know the benefits of following Jesus.  Often, however, the draw of our hurts is stronger.  Sara concludes with this caution: Our hurts do not trap us.  We trap ourselves with our hurts.”

Today’s question: Following your ministry downsizing or vocation loss, what opportunities have you had to serve God?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Holding on”

What about me?

Venting versus talking

In Chapter 5 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn differentiates between venting versus talking.  Because Sara has seen more hurt than help happen when people vent, she is convinced that venting doesn’t do us any long-term good.  While we think of venting as a way to relieve strong emotions, Sara prefers the appliance company definition: “It’s a way to get rid of a whole bunch of hot air.”

Talking is a much better alternative.  We have to think before we talk.  The process of forgiveness flows more smoothly when emotions aren’t at a fever pitch.  We are more receptive to initiating the process in our heart.  Sara explains why this is important:

“When we’re not willing to ask forgiveness from others, we will be less willing to offer forgiveness.  When we aren’t willing to forgive others, we have a harder time understanding God’s forgiveness and his grace toward us.  That understanding helps us realize the importance of depending on him instead of depending on ourselves.”

Sara stresses that when we have a relationship with Jesus, we are not left to rely on our own resources to deal with difficult situations or circumstances.  The Holy Spirit is our resource for wisdom when we need it.  However, in order to heed the Spirit’s voice, we must be willing to listen for it.  It is only through God’s help and grace that we can see His righteousness in our hearts and lives.

Today’s question: What Bible verses have strengthened your thoughtful response to difficult situations or circumstances?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “What about me?”

Venting versus talking

Blame the Other Guy

Sara Horn begins Chapter 5 (“When You’re the One Who’s Wrong”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she reminds us that many of our hurts are legitimate.  Sometimes, however, we are the ones in the wrong.  We still desire to hold on to our grudges.  It’s much easier to think about what “they” need to fix or change than it is to think about making changes in ourselves.  As Sara explains, ” . . . we can become quite comfortable with the idea that it’s them and not us.”

Sara vividly remembers such a time when she was in first grade.  Each student was working on a self-portrait.  When the teacher praised the artistry of the boy sitting next to Sara and ignored her, Sara gave in to her frustration.  Trading pictures with the boy, she took a brown crayon and put freckles everywhere, ruining the boy’s portrait.

Like that messy, ruined picture, our actions toward others can have the same devastating effect in our hearts if we aren’t careful.  We don’t do ourselves or those around us any good when we refuse to take responsibility for our role in the situation.  Instead we play the Blame the Other Guy Game.  If we’re never sorry, Sara emphasizes, we’re never really responsible.  If we refuse to apologize- or, at a minimum, won’t acknowledge our own sinful thoughts and actions- we miss out on fostering our own growth as well as a deeper understanding of others and ourselves.

Today’s question: When reflecting on your response to your ministry downsizing or vocation loss, what areas of change does the Lord bring to mind?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Venting versus talking”

Blame the Other Guy

Initiate the healing process

Following the conclusion of Chapter 4 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn offers five ways to initiate the healing process.

1.  Recognize God’s truth over your own.  Sara states that dwelling on our scars adds doubt, fear, and plain old lies into our hearts and minds.  She emphasizes that “this is not (italics mine) the time to shy away from knowing and reading God’s Word.”  God won’t leave us by ourselves to deal with our scars. But we must ask Him for His help and trust Him.

2.  Recognize what’s happened to you and what needs to happen going forward.  While we have no control over what already has been done to us, we do control our response and what we do to move forward.  Our choice is not dependent on our own strength and mind, but on God’s strength.

3.  Understand that scars signify healing that’s already started.  Sara encourages us to look beyond the scars to what God has in store for us.  Don’t limit God!

4.  Learn something from your scar.  Learning from our scars requires humbling ourselves.  1 Peter 5:6-7 promises that God will lift us up at just the right time.

5.  Trust God.  Sara notes that this concept sounds simple.  Yet trusting God can come with a lot of fear and hesitation.  Sara provides the antidote: “Surrender your scars.  Let God use them for his purpose and ultimately for his glory and our joy.”

Today’s question: Through God’s power, what steps have you taken to initiate the healing process?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Blame the Other Guy”

 

Initiate the healing process

Healing is a process

“For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.”- Psalm 22:24

As Sara Horn concludes Chapter 4 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she stresses that when we stay focused  on our scars, those scars can interfere with what God wants us to do.  Rather than letting go, we hold on- and we stop moving on.

When we focus on the One who has all the power, scars lose their control over us.  People and situations fail us, but God never fails us.  Instead of worrying so much about the approval of others, we need to be intentional in our concern about God’s approval.  That begins when we start to realize that Jesus asks for our availability, not our perfection.

Sara observes that all of us are looking for someone who will “get us.”  But we commonly make two mistakes in our search: (1) we look to others to help us heal our hurts, but give up when they can’t or won’t; (2) we believe no one can help us or be there for us, so we don’t even try.  We must remember that no one can “get us” better than God.

Sara concludes that healing is a process, and forgiveness aids in that process.  Healing is a process that takes time.

Today’s question: What Scriptures have been foundational in the process of your healing?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Initiate the healing process”

Healing is a process

Invisible scars

In Chapter 4 (“The Thing About Scars”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn states that most people who have physical scars have stories to go with them.  However, not all scars can be seen by our eyes.

Invisible scars are deep wounds that remain with us and take a long time to heal.  Even after they heal, invisible scars are almost impossible to forget.  Sara emphasizes that if those invisible scars aren’t given more time to properly heal, we may add several more scars of our own doing.  Scars from the deep hurt of great loss, such as the loss of ministry or vocation, don’t always cover up what hurt us in the first place.

That’s why, Sara adds, when we talk about forgiveness we must deal with the really hard stuff that is extremely hard to forgive, let go, or even think about and discuss.  These invisible scars don’t just play a part in our past, but affect our future as well.

Sara points out that one fact about a scar is that even if we change our environment, situation, or circumstances, we still may feel the same way as when we first received the scar.  Jesus is the only one who will ever fully understand our hurts.  As we turn to Him for help, He enables us to forgive and let go.

Today’s question: What Scriptures have been foundational in the process of your healing?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Healing is a process”

Invisible scars

Letting go of bitterness

Following Chapter 3 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn discusses five ways to start letting go of bitterness right now.

1.  Tell God how you’re feeling.  When we keep ignoring the hard feelings about our vocation loss, they build up and grow bigger.  Sara stresses that we need to make time to talk to God about how we’re feeling and ask for help letting go of the bitterness.

2.  Recognize the importance of second chances.  In the Parable of the Prodigal Son, the elder brother is a prime example of someone holding on to bitterness.  He is unable to see past what he perceives is an unfair situation.  When we find ourselves unable to see past the unfairness, we need to start counting our blessings.

3.  Admit the sin you’re dealing with.  Sara states that bitterness often masks or is symptomatic of other sins in our life.  When we own up to what is imprisoning us, we open the door for God to work in us and change us.

4.  Stop dwelling on what happened and repeating your story.  Fixating on what happened seldom is a healthy approach, especially if our friends are more enablers than encouragers.

5.  Rethink your thinking.  Bitter attitudes and negative thoughts are meant for each other.  Negative thoughts can be around for so long that we don’t even realize it.  We must be intentional in reshaping and turning our thoughts to what God wants us thinking about (Philippians 4:8).

Today’s question: Which way(s) of letting go of bitterness resonate most with you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Invisible scars”

Letting go of bitterness

Big Hurts- Bigger God

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”- Hebrews 12:15

As Sara Horn concludes Chapter 3 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she notes that Abraham had a heart change in his relationship with Lot.  Previously, when in Egypt, Abraham had lied to Pharaoh about Sarah being his sister- when in fact she was his wife.  Yet in the problems he faced with Lot, Abraham chose generosity and selflessness.  He trusted God to take care of him.

Sara emphasizes that it is only when we listen to God’s voice that we’ll find relief from the things that hold us back from forgiving or giving.  Through the power of the Holy Spirit, we must be willing to trust God enough to surrender our will to His.

Sara tells the story of a friend who prayed for the opportunity to be a mom.  Eventually the friend and her husband adopted a little boy from Russia.  They eagerly anticipated all the normal childhood milestones.  Then the little boy was diagnosed with a severe form of autism, and the parents realized those dreams were not to be.  Their desires got traded for God’s desires.  Big hurts- bigger God.  Sara concludes:

“But God is bigger than those hurts, and stronger, and able to take your hurt and do something beautiful with it.  He heals.”

Today’s question: How have you been intentional in giving over your hurts to God?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Letting go of bitterness”

 

Big Hurts- Bigger God

Seasons of rumble

In Chapter 3 (“In Seasons of Rumble”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, author Sara Horn notes that when rainstorms occur in Louisiana, the rumble of thunder miles away can go on and on for a long time.  While the rumble of thunder is subdued, you definitely know it is there.  The sound keeps going, with no indication of when it will stop.

There are seasons of rumble in life where we also live with that thunderous rumble, such as the aftermath of our ministry downsizing or vocation loss.  We are uncomfortable and out of sorts because we have no idea how to let the pain go.  Bitterness may set in.

Sara observes that when we see ourselves in the crosshairs of an undeserved target, our emotions can rapidly move from sadness to resentment and from denial to anger.  We may blame others or even take out our frustration on God.  The problem with bitterness, unfortunately, is that bitterness is difficult to hide.  As Sara explains, eventually we expose ourselves.  Our soul feelings emerge.

We are easily changed by the circumstances and challenges of our seasons of rumble.  At some point, however, we can’t take any more of that constant rumble and recognize that something has to change.  We have been holding onto something we shouldn’t ever have picked up.  A heart change is needed.

Today’s question: Have you reached the point in your thunderous rumble where you are ready to commit to change?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Big Hurts- Bigger God”

Seasons of rumble

Ready to be offered

“We cannot see God’s plan when we can see only our pain.”- Sara Horn

Sara Horn concludes Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive? by stating that when Joseph chose to let go of the difficult circumstances that brought him to Egypt, he was able to see God’s plan.  Joseph grabbed on and trusted God with everything he had.

When we are intentional in our focus on what God wants with us and how He wants to use us, we don’t worry so much about what offends us or how small slights or hurtful words affect us.  Oswald Chambers writes in My Utmost for His Highest about painting a picture of ourselves on the altar, which means:

” . . . burning and purification and insulation for one purpose only, the destruction of every affinity that God has not started and of every attachment that is not an attachment in God.  You do not destroy it, God does. . . . After this way of fire, there is nothing that oppresses or depresses.  When the crisis arises you realize things cannot touch you as they used to do.”

As we come to believe this and trust that God has us in His hand and is with us, we can wake up each day “ready to be offered.”

Today’s question: What defines your thinking at this time, God’s plan or your plan?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Seasons of rumble”

Ready to be offered

Forgiveness

“So no one stayed withy him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers.  And he wept aloud, so that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it.”- Genesis 45:1-2

In Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn notes that the Bible is replete with examples of resentment.  While the good news is that we’re not alone in our grudges, the bad news is that grudges and resentment are easy to grow.

Sara states that the Old Testament account of Joseph is one example where we might view resentment as a well-deserved response.  Yet, because Joseph chose to trust God, the Lord was with Joseph.  Joseph’s story, Sara adds, is about more than God’s purpose for our lives, an example of God’s plan versus our plan, or an example of calling over comfort.

One of the greatest truths in Joseph’s story is forgiveness.  When Joseph reveals himself to his brothers, he doesn’t come off as the brother who still got everything he wanted.  He faced his brothers and cried so loudly that everyone in the house heard him.  Sara describes Joseph’s crying as “the sweet, heartbreaking sound of forgiveness, that cry of grace and reconciliation and humility and love all rolled into one.”

Early on, Sara concludes, Joseph decided to trust god rather than men and to let God take care of the battles that really mattered.

Today’s question: At this point in your desert, transformational journey, where is forgiveness most needed in your life?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Ready to be offered”

Forgiveness

We all, like sheep

“We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. “- Isaiah 53:6 (NIV)

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”- Henry David Thoreau

During my pre-downsizing, elementary teaching days at Ebenezer and Northwest Lutheran Schools in Milwaukee, no respectable Mr. Henning classroom was complete without he requisite class pet- typically a golden hamster.  One year my choice of living environment was a plastic mansion, complete with tubes and assorted attachments, including a penthouse sleeping area.  Not content with living in the lap of hamster luxury, our hamster chewed his way to “freedom.”  Reasoning that, sooner or later, hunger would override adventure, I strategically placed cups of food around the school.  When the class hamster took the bait several days later, he was embraced (aka ‘captured’) by his benefactor and returned to the classroom fold.

Jeff Manion describes the Land Between as a metaphor for the undesired transitions we experience in life, a middle ground where we can be transformed and established in our connection to God.  Discouragement comes with the territory, as Pastor Manion explains:

“Traveling through the Land Between, we often have to battle discouragement.  Sometimes deep discouragement.  The wilderness is a place where even the most hopeful must fend off feelings of impatience, futility, or despair.”

The issue isn’t that we have those feelings, but what we do once we have acknowledged them.  While we may not have control over our circumstances, we do have control over our reactions.  We will choose something: our way- depression, seething rage, revenge, retail therapy- or God’s way.

During this transitional time, we need to recognize that our souls are very vulnerable and that there is a fine line between honesty and complaint.  While complaint is turning away from God, candidly pouring out our heart to God is turning toward God.  Jeff Manion expresses the honest cry of the overwhelmed: “I can’t take this anymore.  It’s too heavy for me.”

That’s precisely where we need to be.  As we trust God, we develop perseverance and our faith will grow.  Max Lucado offers these words of encouragement:

“Don’t see your struggle as an interruption to life, but as preparation for life.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNmWgQp1_iE

 

 

 

 

 

We all, like sheep