Open Spaces

“It is a sin for the person who knows to do what is good and doesn’t do it.”- James 4:17

“God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection.  Don’t run after them.”- attributed to Rick Warren

Sara Horn concludes Chapter 6 of How Can I Possibly Forgive? with strong encouragement for us to forgive, explicitly stating that when we refuse to forgive, we are the ones who are offending.  We deem ourselves more important than others- or even more important than God!

Conflicts are inevitable.  The key is our response.  Sara cites the story of Isaac in Genesis 26.  Isaac’s neighbors resented his success and went out of their way to make his life difficult.  Isaac was forced to move his herds and livestock three times because of quarrels that erupted with local herdsman whenever Isaac attempted to settle down in one area.

The first two wells Isaac dug he named Quarrel and Hostility, respectively.  Finally, at the last spot, Isaac named the well Open Spaces because God had “made room” for them (Genesis 26:22).  Similarly, rather than hunkering down and stubbornly asserting our rights following our vocation loss, we need to just move on.  God may be removing us from our place of conflict, negativity, and hurt for our protection.  Don’t run after them!

Today’s question: What is hindering you from moving on following your ministry downsizing or vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Conviction or condemnation”

Open Spaces

The foundation of walls

Today Sara Horn continues her discussion of five potential white N-O-I-S-Es in our life, covering the remaining four noises.

2.  Other people’s opinions.  Sara points out that, as much as we value our own opinions, we want to know what others think.  The problem arises when we don’t like those opinions or we’re unsure what to do with them when they don’t integrate with ours.

We also run into difficulty when we accept other people’s opinions as truth rather than as thoughts we have a choice to accept or dismiss.  That establishes the foundation of walls God doesn’t want in our lives.

3.  Inconsiderate friends and family.  Due to the nature of family relationships, family members may say things to us they would never say to a friend, fellow church member, or a stranger.  We must be careful that such slights or undeserved remarks don’t stay with us, creating a low hum that always is in the background.

4.  Stingers.  These are words said to you as a child that you’ve never forgotten.  They are the harshest of the white noise and the genesis of a deep-rooted resentment you are unaware of because you’ve lived with it for so long.

5.  Elevated problem.  This is a combination of other noises.  Because the hurtful comments or ongoing conflict grow quickly and the pressure of this noise feels enormous and constant, it feels impossible to let go.

Today’s question: Which white noise or noises has drowned out the sound the Lord wants you to hear?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Bought at a price”

The foundation of walls

Distracting crescendos

“Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses.”- Proverbs 10:12

As Sara Horn continues Chapter 1 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she observes that when we allow hard feelings to fester and don’t resolve them, they build to distracting crescendos in our brain.  We know that we must deal with conflict, at least within ourselves.  Yet, Sara states, “knowing and doing can sometimes feel like trying to jump over the Grand Canyon.”

“Doing” becomes more difficult when those responsible for our ministry downsizing or vocation loss perceive that we are the only ones who have a problem.  From their perspective, the situation is a non-issue.  They’ve moved on.  They’re not part of the conversation.

People are complicated- and we cannot control them.  As Sara emphasizes, forgiveness is a process that begins with us:

“But for a lot of us, saying ‘I’m sorry” or deciding to no longer hold a grudge toward someone or something is just the beginning of what has to happen when we’re talking about forgiveness.”

As Sara concludes, forgiveness isn’t just ignoring bad behavior or acting like we don’t see or care.  Sara cites pastor and author Tony Evans:

“[forgiveness isn’t] pretending like it didn’t happen or like it didn’t hurt.  That’s called lying.  Forgiveness is a decision to release a debt regardless of how your feel.”

Today’s question: What has been foundational in helping you initiate the process of forgiveness?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the Annotated Bibliography of Soul Keeping

Distracting crescendos

Dealing with conflict

How Can I Possibly Forgive?  Rescuing Your Heart from Resentment and Regret is the latest book from author Sara Horn.  Her previous books include My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife.  Sara begins Chapter 1 (“Listening Through the Noise”) by observing that there are three popular choices people make when they don’t want to have a difficult conversation with someone:

1.  Do I really even need to have this conversation?  Sara observes that this choice is the most obvious as well as the first one for many.  However, this choice is problematic because there is no set of guidelines or a peer mediation model for dealing with conflict as an adult.  Furthermore, there is no law forcing someone to talk things out with you.

2.  How do I win this discussion?  How do I get my way on this issue?  Here we think through the tactics we learned when we participated in mock debates in school.  We come up with arguments why the other person is wrong and we are right.  Perhaps we’ll come up with statements acknowledging the other person’s position, but twist them so that the other person will have to acknowledge that we are correct.

3.  Will she say she’s sorry?  Will he admit he was wrong?  When we’ve been wounded deeply by the words or actions of another, all we want is some relief from the pain and an apology as a good start.  We also may debate the merits of apologizing ourselves.

Today’s question: Which of the three choices resonates most with you following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Distracting crescendos”

Coming Monday: the Annotated Bibliography of Soul Keeping

Dealing with conflict