Where no one has gone before

Kyle Idleman concludes Chapter 3 of The End of Me with four ideas he has found helpful in enabling us to take ownership of our humility.

1.  To humble myself, I voluntarily confess sin.  Pastor Idleman states God promises to exalt those who, like the tax collector, voluntarily confess their sins.  If we confess because we’ve been caught or confronted, we may be humbled.  But we are not humbling ourselves.

2.  To humble myself, I give sacrificially and anonymously.  Kyle states sacrificial giving is a “real way of saying the kingdom of God is more important than me.”

3.  To humble myself, I treat others better than myself.  In today’s society, we’re taught to rely on ourselves and look out for numero uno.  The apostle Paul turns this philosophy on its ear in Philippians 2:3- “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.  Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.”

4.  To humble myself, I ask for help.  Kyle emphasizes that every time he humbles himself and asks for help, that act opens a new door to some type of blessing.

Pastor Idleman concludes there is a vast frontier of strategies out there for humbling ourselves:

“Everywhere you look, every situation you’re in, is a laboratory for self-humbling, an opportunity to exalt Christ and put pride on the cross.  You can boldly- or humbly- go where no one has gone before.”

Today’s question: Which of Kyle’s four ideas resonate most with you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “False advertising”

 

Where no one has gone before

Taking ownership of our own humility

“And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death- even death on a cross!”- Philippians 2:8

In the final section of Chapter 3 (The End of Me), Kyle Idleman focuses our attention on four words from the end of the Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector: “those who humble themselves” (Luke 18:14).  While we think being humbled is a passive activity, Jesus speaks of a humbling that is active.  Active humbling involves taking ownership of our own humility.  It does not mean being humbled by someone or something.

Nik Wallenda walked across Niagara Falls on a high wire in 2012 and became the first man to walk across the Grand Canyon in 2013.  Nik is a strong Christian, and has a unique way of actively handling pride- spending hours cleaning up garbage left behind by his fans.  Nik says:

“Three hours of cleaning up debris is good for my soul.  Humility does not come naturally for me.  So if I have to force myself into situations that are humbling, so be it. . . . I do it . . . because it’s a way to keep from tripping.  As a follower of Jesus, I see Him washing the feet of others.  I do it because if I don’t serve others, I’ll be serving nothing but my ego.”

Next, Kyle offers four ideas for taking ownership of our own humility.

Today’s question: To this point, have you considered humbling passive or active?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Where no one has gone before”

 

Taking ownership of our own humility

Your internal Pharisee

“God, I thank you that I am not like other people- robbers, evildoers, adulterers- or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I have.”- Luke 18:11-12

Kyle Idleman continues Chapter 3 of The End of Me with a discussion of The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14).  Pastor Idleman states people looked up to Pharisees because they were committed to Hebrew law and were likely to be upstanding, educated, and influential.  Although the Pharisees began with good intentions, eventually their faith became defined by an “unbearable, infinite collection of dos and don’ts, mostly don’ts.”

Luke clues us in that Jesus’ audience consisted of people  “who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else” (v.9).  Kyle observes that when we read such a description, we almost immediately assume Jesus is talking to someone else.  However, as soon as we assign negative descriptors to others, we become the very people Jesus is addressing.

The issue in this parable is pride versus humility.  Pastor Idleman explains:

“Fake humility expresses itself in a pride that is obvious to everyone but the speaker. . . . Ultimately our words betray us, no matter how much we guard them.”

In the next several blogs Kyle discusses six verbal symptoms of a prideful heart that indicate an internal Pharisee is about to flow out of our mouths.

Today’s question: How has your internal Pharisee been displayed following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “You may be a Pharisee if . . .”

Your internal Pharisee

Red warning lights

Bill Hybels continues Chapter 7 of Simplify by encouraging you to take an assessment of your friendship circles.  This assessment is vital to simplifying your relational world.  It’s being a good steward of your life and taking a realistic look at the natural influence of others on you.

In Proverbs 6:16-20, Solomon lists seven character traits offensive to God.  These traits are so offensive they should act as red warning lights.  The first three red warning lights are discussed today.

1.  Pride (“haughty eyes”).  Pastor Hybels states that people with haughty eyes look down on others.  The word arrogance comes to mind.  Bill explains the divisive consequences of pride:

“Pride is corrosive, and it rubs off.  You’re going to have a hard time developing Christlike humility and thinking of yourself with sober judgment if your close friends are arrogant, full of pride, and looking down their noses at everyone else.”

2.  Dishonesty (“a lying tongue”).  Most people understand the importance of steering clear of blatant liars.  But it is just as important to keep our distance from people who consider little white lies acceptable.  Pastor Hybels cautions that omissions also are lies.  Silence implicitly signifies agreement, and it’s no different from overtly telling a lie.

3.  Mean- spiritedness (“hands that shed innocent blood”).  Here Solomon warns us to be wary of those using their power to exploit others.  Pastor Hybels observes that, in today’s violence-saturated world, it’s hard to cultivate a gentle heart.  Yet, in the face of raw violence in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus healed the servant’s ear.  We need more of the Holy Spirit.

Today’s question: How are your true friends “imitators of Christ” to you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Bridge builder”

 

Red warning lights

Sheep among wolves

“I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.  Therefore be shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.”- Matthew 10:16

In Chapter 6 of All the Places to Go, John Ortberg writes that the sheep is not an inspiring animal, so this is an unexpected metaphor.  While many sports teams have animal nicknames, no team is called the Sheep.

Pastor Ortberg notes that Jesus’ metaphor raises this question: How does a sheep go among wolves?  Answer: very carefully and very humbly.  That means we don’t present ourselves as intelligent, strong, or impressive.  When we are sent as sheep, doors are opened to us that never would be opened to wolves.

Going wholeheartedly through doors leaves us vulnerable to failure and disappointment.  We’re vulnerable because we’re not strong enough.  Paradoxically, with Jesus vulnerability is stronger than invulnerability.

John stresses that the church always is at its best when it goes into the world like sheep among wolves- with humility.  Several centuries after Jesus, John Chrysostom wrote about the importance of being sheep:

“Let us then be ashamed, who do to the contrary, who set like wolves upon our enemies.  For as long as we are sheep, we conquer. . . . But if we become wolves, we are worsted (defeated, overcome), for the help of our Shepherd departs from us; for he feeds not wolves, but sheep.”

Today’s question: Following your vocation loss, have you gone through open doors like a sheep or a wolf?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Wise as serpents”

 

Sheep among wolves

Truths about myself

“When I walk through an open door, I often learn truths about myself that I would never have learned if I’d stayed on the other side.”- John Ortberg

As John Ortberg continues Chapter 2 of All the Places to Go, he observes that when we go through open doors, we have to trust that God will use us in spite of our imperfections.  The process provides a unique avenue for learning about ourselves, warts and all.  Pastor Ortberg adds that, when we go through open doors: (a) we’ll discover our faith really is weaker than we thought it was before we went through the door; and (b) we must be humble enough to accept failure.

The Israelites were a classic example of this when the escaped from slavery in Egypt.  When Moses and Aaron gathered the Israelite slaves to deliver God’s message and show them the miraculous signs, they voiced their belief.  But when they saw Pharaoh coming after them, they changed their tune.  John summarizes: “When their circumstances changed, it turned out they really didn’t believe at all.”

Yet, as Pastor Ortberg will discuss in the next blog, people who walk through God’s open doors need not be spiritual giants, possessing a faith we never could possibly reach.  For example, God chose to work with Abraham because Abraham was willing to trust Him.  It wasn’t based on Abraham’s ability to do the right thing.

Today’s question: Following your vocation loss, how has God used you in spite of your imperfections?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The object of our faith”

Truths about myself

Critical realism

“Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know.”- 1 Corinthians 8:2

Mark Batterson concludes Chapter 12 of The Grave Robber with a discussion of a philosophical science concept known as critical realism.  Critical realism is defined as “the recognition that no matter how much we know, we don’t know everything there is to know.”  Researcher Rolf Smith reports that, while children ask 125 probing questions a day, adults ask only six.  At some point, most adults stop asking questions and start making assumptions.  That’s when our imagination dies.

Pastor Batterson adds that we’re too quick to explain what we don’t understand.  And at the top of that list is God.  But, as Mark observes:

“To know God is to enter the cloud of unknowing- the more you know, the more you know how much you don’t know.”

Mark states that while the words “I can’t” should never come out of our mouths, the words “I don’t know” should be spoken often and with humility:

“Half of faith is learning what we don’t know.  The other half is unlearning what we do know.  And the second half is far more difficult than the first half.”

We never know exactly how, when, or where God will show up.  However, we must be prepared to do something unprecedented, unorthodox, and unconventional.  That’s when miracles happen.

Today’s question: What assumptions have you made about life or God following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Coming Monday: the new Short Meditation, “Z marks the spot”

Tomorrow’s blog: “The drop in the bucket effect”

Critical realism

Conviction or condemnation?

“Therefore, there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”- Romans 8:1-2

In Chapter 8 (“Forgiving Yourself”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn begins by distinguishing between conviction and condemnation.  She notes: “There is a difference in the conviction God gives us when he wants our attention over something we need to change, and in the condemnation we put on ourselves.”

Sara states that when we’re not sure we’ve done anything wrong, it’s hard to let go of our resentment and blame.  How, then, do we forgive ourselves when we actually have done something wrong?   “Self-love”, or accepting ourselves “just the way we are”, only is capable of taking us so far.  We need God in our lives to feel forgiven, because God’s love never quits.

If we refuse to forgive or continue to hold grudges against ourselves, or demand personal perfection, essentially we are quitting on ourselves.  We create a problem, however, when we ask God to forgive us but are unable to forgive ourselves.  Rather than trying to figure out how to forgive ourselves, we need to rely on God’s forgiveness, faithfulness, and favor.

Today’s question: Following your vocation loss, have you felt more conviction or condemnation?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Faithfulness and favor”

Conviction or condemnation?

Draw near to God

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.  Cleanse your hearts, you sinners,  and purify your hearts, you double-minded.  Be wretched and mourn and weep.  Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.   Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”- James 4:8-10

Today Sara Horn completes her presentation of Six Steps to Overcoming Discord, based on James 4:7-10.

3.  Draw near to God.  Sara exhorts us to step away from the enemy and to step close to experience God’s presence.  This means spending time in God’s Word.  When we feel frustrated or defeated, as if our hurt is too big for us to handle, we need to reach out to God, asking Him to draw near.

4.  Cleanse your hands and purify your heart.  In other words, Sara states, start over: “Clean out the junk in your heart and mind about that person or that situation you need to forgive.  Let it go, and don’t let it come back.

5.  Be miserable.  Sara observes that this verse might seem a bit odd.  Do we need to become miserable in order to forgive?  James is saying that we must be mindful of our own sinfulness, even if it’s only that we’ve allowed our hurt to build up and turn into resentment or anger.  Since God is gracious to us, we are able to extend grace and forgiveness to those who’ve hurt us.

6.  Humble yourself.  Sara notes that Jesus never defended Himself when others attacked.  He defended God.  When we humble ourselves before God, our joy and sense of well-being dwells with Him, not other people.

Today’s question: Which of the six steps do you need to address?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the new Short Meditation, “Entertaining angels unawares”

Draw near to God

Forgiveness

“So no one stayed withy him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers.  And he wept aloud, so that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it.”- Genesis 45:1-2

In Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn notes that the Bible is replete with examples of resentment.  While the good news is that we’re not alone in our grudges, the bad news is that grudges and resentment are easy to grow.

Sara states that the Old Testament account of Joseph is one example where we might view resentment as a well-deserved response.  Yet, because Joseph chose to trust God, the Lord was with Joseph.  Joseph’s story, Sara adds, is about more than God’s purpose for our lives, an example of God’s plan versus our plan, or an example of calling over comfort.

One of the greatest truths in Joseph’s story is forgiveness.  When Joseph reveals himself to his brothers, he doesn’t come off as the brother who still got everything he wanted.  He faced his brothers and cried so loudly that everyone in the house heard him.  Sara describes Joseph’s crying as “the sweet, heartbreaking sound of forgiveness, that cry of grace and reconciliation and humility and love all rolled into one.”

Early on, Sara concludes, Joseph decided to trust god rather than men and to let God take care of the battles that really mattered.

Today’s question: At this point in your desert, transformational journey, where is forgiveness most needed in your life?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Ready to be offered”

Forgiveness

Benefit of the doubt

Today Sara Horn concludes her study of the Seven Habits of Highly Forgiving People in Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?.

4.  A highly forgiving person lives by the Golden Rule.  By reminding ourselves that we fail God daily and need His forgiveness, we become cognizant of our need to offer that same grace to others.

5.  A highly forgiving person meets with God regularly through prayer and Bible study.  We can make time for prayer and Bible study when we first make time with God a priority.  Sara emphasizes that highly forgiving people apply Romans 12:2 on a daily basis: “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”

6.  A highly forgiving person offers the benefit of the doubt to others when their actions are harmful or disappointing.  Sara points out that the temptation is to always assume the worst.  As we offer the benefit of the doubt to others, we remind ourselves that every one of us is human and mistakes can happen.

7.  A highly forgiving person consistently prays for other people.  When we pray for other people, especially those who rub us the wrong way, we are (1) bringing someone else before our heavenly Father and (2) softening our hearts towards people and situations.

Today’s question: Which of the Seven Habits of Highly Forgiven People have you already incorporated into your Christian walk?  Which habits still need work?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “The battle is not yours”

 

Benefit of the doubt

Highly Forgiving People

“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.”- Luke 6:27-28

Sara Horn follows her study of highly resentful people with the Seven Habits of Highly Forgiving People in Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?.  The first three habits are discussed in today’s post.

1.  A highly forgiving person is intentional about living in peace.  Sara states that “forgiveness . . . requires stepping out of your comfort zone and letting go of your wants and expectations.”  The powerful actions Jesus describes in Luke 6:27-28 can produce peaceful results.

2.  A highly forgiving person is kind.  She cares more about doing the right thing in a given situation that what is in it for her.  Sara asserts that it is possible to practice kindness and get in the habit of being kind when  you do it often enough.  When we practice the characteristics of kindness, we are prepared to offer forgiveness when needed.

3.  A highly forgiving person is generous with her time, her money, and her life.  A generous spirit and offering forgiveness go hand in hand.  When giving becomes our default setting, it is easier to give grace and second chances as well.

Today’s question: What Scriptures have helped you develop a forgiving attitude toward those responsible for your vocation loss?  Please share.

Coming Wedesday: the new Short Meditation for Holy Week/Easter- “We all, like sheep”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Benefit of the doubt”

 

Highly Forgiving People

Bought at a price

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.”- 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

As Sara Horn concludes Chapter 1 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she states that if there is a lesson that she’s learned as a result of the most recent experiences and journeys God has taken her through, it is that her life is not her own.  Having Christ in our hearts means complete surrender of our wills to His.  Overlooking the hurts and grievances that have come from other people is part of that surrender.

Perhaps, Sara notes, we have been praying for years that God would heal our deep, lingering wounds and scars, so we could move on with our life.  What we may not realize is that God already is working on those scars, on that healing.  Sara emphasizes that God is just waiting for us to meet Him halfway:

“Jesus may be asking something of you today as he prepares to heal your heart, as he helps you let go and get ready to move on from the things keeping you from living the fuller life he desires for you.”

We need to stop listening to the white noise and start listening for God’s voice.

Today’s question: What is keeping you from living the fuller life Christ desires for you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Resentment”

Bought at a price

Distracting crescendos

“Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses.”- Proverbs 10:12

As Sara Horn continues Chapter 1 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, she observes that when we allow hard feelings to fester and don’t resolve them, they build to distracting crescendos in our brain.  We know that we must deal with conflict, at least within ourselves.  Yet, Sara states, “knowing and doing can sometimes feel like trying to jump over the Grand Canyon.”

“Doing” becomes more difficult when those responsible for our ministry downsizing or vocation loss perceive that we are the only ones who have a problem.  From their perspective, the situation is a non-issue.  They’ve moved on.  They’re not part of the conversation.

People are complicated- and we cannot control them.  As Sara emphasizes, forgiveness is a process that begins with us:

“But for a lot of us, saying ‘I’m sorry” or deciding to no longer hold a grudge toward someone or something is just the beginning of what has to happen when we’re talking about forgiveness.”

As Sara concludes, forgiveness isn’t just ignoring bad behavior or acting like we don’t see or care.  Sara cites pastor and author Tony Evans:

“[forgiveness isn’t] pretending like it didn’t happen or like it didn’t hurt.  That’s called lying.  Forgiveness is a decision to release a debt regardless of how your feel.”

Today’s question: What has been foundational in helping you initiate the process of forgiveness?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: the Annotated Bibliography of Soul Keeping

Distracting crescendos

Dealing with conflict

How Can I Possibly Forgive?  Rescuing Your Heart from Resentment and Regret is the latest book from author Sara Horn.  Her previous books include My So-Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife.  Sara begins Chapter 1 (“Listening Through the Noise”) by observing that there are three popular choices people make when they don’t want to have a difficult conversation with someone:

1.  Do I really even need to have this conversation?  Sara observes that this choice is the most obvious as well as the first one for many.  However, this choice is problematic because there is no set of guidelines or a peer mediation model for dealing with conflict as an adult.  Furthermore, there is no law forcing someone to talk things out with you.

2.  How do I win this discussion?  How do I get my way on this issue?  Here we think through the tactics we learned when we participated in mock debates in school.  We come up with arguments why the other person is wrong and we are right.  Perhaps we’ll come up with statements acknowledging the other person’s position, but twist them so that the other person will have to acknowledge that we are correct.

3.  Will she say she’s sorry?  Will he admit he was wrong?  When we’ve been wounded deeply by the words or actions of another, all we want is some relief from the pain and an apology as a good start.  We also may debate the merits of apologizing ourselves.

Today’s question: Which of the three choices resonates most with you following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Distracting crescendos”

Coming Monday: the Annotated Bibliography of Soul Keeping

Dealing with conflict