Forgiving ourselves

In Chapter 12 (“Buried Under Rocks of Regret- When the Person You Need to Forgive is You”) of How to Forgive, June Hunt states that, surprisingly, forgiving ourselves is not always easy to do.  It may even be more difficult than forgiving others.

Ms. Hunt uses the powerful acrostic F-O-R-G-I-V-E-N to help you deal positively and effectively with y0ur guilt- in the process allowing God to fully apply His completed work of redemption.  “F” and “O” are covered today.

Find the source of your guilt.  True guilt is our friend and a spiritual signal something is wrong, as Ms. Hunt explains:

“True guilt is a spiritual warning.  It tells us our sins are veiling who we are, children of God, and what we’re called to do, reflect His image (emphasis June’s).”

While true guilt is based on specific sinful actions, false guilt causes a deep sense of unworthiness.  We perceive ourselves as basically defective and can’t stop blaming ourselves.  False built is toxic.  God’s purpose for guilt is for correction and building up.  God’s purpose is not to destroy your heart or cripple your soul and spirit.

Own responsibility for your sin.  Once you’ve identified the source of your guilt, the next step is to repent and confess the offense.  In Why Forgive?, Johann Christoph Arnold wrote that “guilt works in secret, and it loses its power only when it is allowed out into the open.”

June adds that if guilt feelings persist after you have confessed your sins to God and accepted His forgiveness, it could be that you need to repair the damage caused by your offense in order to be completely free.

Today’s question: Has “forgiving ourselves” been a personal issue for you following your vocation loss?  What has  helped you deal positively and effectively with your guilt?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Too good to be true”

Forgiving ourselves

To err is human

“To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.”- Unknown

June Hunt continues her presentation (Chapter 8, How to Forgive) of the four stages of forgiveness by discussing stages two and three.

Stage Two: Feel the Offense.  We may respond to unjust treatment with anger, outrage or even hatred.  Ms. Hunt explains why it is necessary for us to honestly deal with our emotions:

“All our rock-hard emotions need to be excavated rather than allowed to stay buried.  Failing to acknowledge and experience pain results in rigid responses: suppression of feelings or outright denial. . . . Without feeling, there can be no healing.”

Stage Three: Forgive the Offender.  June observes that it is much easier to nurture resentment than deal with forgiveness.  Although the first two stages have laid the groundwork for this third stage, people come up with all kinds of arguments to avoid taking this next step of forgiveness.  June presents five:

a.  “I shouldn’t forgive when I don’t feel like forgiving.  It wouldn’t be genuine.”  Ms. Hunt responds that Jesus surely knew if everyone waited until they felt like forgiving, few would ever get around to doing so.

b.  “I can forgive everyone else, but God knows I don’t have the power to forgive one particular person.”  June emphasizes that the issue is how strong God’s power is within you, not your lack of power to forgive.

c.   “Forgiveness doesn’t seem fair. She ought to pay for her wrong!  She can’t get off scot-free!”  Ms. Hunt responds that it is not our role to determine how our wounder should be punished.  God knows how to deal fairly with each person.  He will do so in His time and in His way.

d.  “I have forgiven, but it doesn’t do any good.  He keeps doing the same thing over and over.”  While we can’t control what others do, we can control our response to what others do.  That doesn’t mean, however, that we allow ourselves to be trampled like doormats.

e.  “I cannot forgive and forget.  I keep thinking about being hurt.”  Forgiving doesn’t give you a case of “holy amnesia.”  However, you can close your mind to rehearsing the pain of the past offense.

Today’s question: Which of the five arguments June  presents resonate most with you?  Please share.

SPECIAL NOTE:  Please check out the artist’s comments to the Short Meditation, “Like little children”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Prerequisites for restored relationships”

To err is human

Learning to forgive

“Learning to forgive someone who has wronged us is nothing short of learning to think and act like God.”- June Hunt

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.”- Romans 12:7

June Hunt concludes Chapter 3 of How to Forgive by discussing what forgiveness is.  Ms. Hunt states that the New Testament word for forgiveness, aphesis, means “pardon, cancellation of an obligation, punishment or guilt.”  An offense that is not forgiven, in contrast, is an unpaid debt- and even a spiritual debt- between two people.  Unforgiveness binds the two together.  Neither one is free from the debt.

June writes that as we forgive, one offense at a time, our hearts begin to resemble God’s heart.  Ms. Hunt adds that the New Testament Greek verb, aphiemi primarily means “to send away.”  That means when we forgive, we send away, or release, the debt owed when another person wrongs us.  June explains:

“This implies that you need to release your right to hear ‘I’m sorry’, to release your right to be bitter, to release your right to get even. . . . This means to release your right to dwell on the offense, to release your right to hold on to the offense, to release your right to keep bringing up the offense.”

Proverbs 17:9- “He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”

Today’s question: What Scriptures have enabled you to release your right for justice and fairness, to begin the process of learning to forgive?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Perceptions of God’s nature and character”

Learning to forgive