Real forgiveness

“When the offense is severe, forgiveness does not happen easily.  Real forgiveness is a slow, difficult, painful process.”- June Hunt

In Chapter 8 (“Rocks Aren’t Removed Overnight- The Four Stages of Forgiveness”) of How to Forgive, June Hunt states that while forgiveness ultimately is freeing, typically forgiveness is not fast.  Boulders of bitterness cannot be simply tossed aside, as if they were small pebbles.  Ms. Hunt explains the consequences of taking shortcuts to forgiveness:

” . . . the pain and anguish you’re experiencing is perfectly normal, even healthy.  When people take shortcuts through the forgiveness process, they are merely putting Band-Aids on deep wounds.  It doesn’t work, and real healing never happens.  Deep wounds must heal from the inside out.”

June notes that because the pain of rejection runs deep, you must realize that rejection is just one step away from resentment.  Resentment, then, is the result of an unforgiving heart.  While you may feel like a forgotten cobblestone on the river bed of life, be assured that God hasn’t forgotten you.  June encourages us that whenever the pain of unforgiveness burdens you:

” . . . give those stones of hostility- those stones of scorn- to the Master Paver.  Amazing benefits await you.  When in His hands, He knows what to do with them and where to put them.  He puts them in the right places on His path . . . so that each and every painful experience has eternal purpose.”

June states you will find it helpful to work through a four-stage process of forgiveness.  Each progression is a series of decisions with actions that build on each other.  In the next blog, June will begin by explaining the necessity of ridding yourself of the toxicity of unforgiveness.

Today’s question: How is it helpful to understand real forgiveness as a process or progression rather than as an instantaneous fix?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Poisonous rocks of resentment”

Real forgiveness

The price of depletion

In Chapter 1 of Simplify, Bill Hybels tells of the time a few years ago when he felt so depleted for months that his wife and kids suggested he spend time at the family cottage in Michigan- alone.  God took the scales off Pastor Hybels’ eyes in a little grocery store in town when he realized he was more concerned about his timetable than assisting a wounded Vietnam War vet navigating the store in his wheelchair.

At that moment Bill realized the price of depletion.  He learned the hard way how important it is not to let oneself get completely run down.  Depletion not only harms the people around us, it damages the soul.  When we are toxically depleted, resentment and irritation can be dominant feelings.  We get scattered and lose our ability to focus, jumping from one distraction to the next, accomplishing little.

Pastor Hybels emphasizes the path to simplicity is a process requiring total honesty.  He asks us to recall a time when we were replenished and filled up.  As we strive to master the art of simplified living, those times of replenishment can become the norm rather than the exception.

The author concludes when we’re telling God what to do and we’re mad at the world, it may be time to hear God say:

“Let’s sit down together.  We’ve got some things to work out, you and Me.  You’ve lost a connection with Me somewhere.  You’ve lost your bearings on true north and now you’re just spinning.  But I have a better plan.”

Toda’s question: How have you experienced the price of depletion following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “What replenishes your soul”

The price of depletion

Seasons of rumble

In Chapter 3 (“In Seasons of Rumble”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, author Sara Horn notes that when rainstorms occur in Louisiana, the rumble of thunder miles away can go on and on for a long time.  While the rumble of thunder is subdued, you definitely know it is there.  The sound keeps going, with no indication of when it will stop.

There are seasons of rumble in life where we also live with that thunderous rumble, such as the aftermath of our ministry downsizing or vocation loss.  We are uncomfortable and out of sorts because we have no idea how to let the pain go.  Bitterness may set in.

Sara observes that when we see ourselves in the crosshairs of an undeserved target, our emotions can rapidly move from sadness to resentment and from denial to anger.  We may blame others or even take out our frustration on God.  The problem with bitterness, unfortunately, is that bitterness is difficult to hide.  As Sara explains, eventually we expose ourselves.  Our soul feelings emerge.

We are easily changed by the circumstances and challenges of our seasons of rumble.  At some point, however, we can’t take any more of that constant rumble and recognize that something has to change.  We have been holding onto something we shouldn’t ever have picked up.  A heart change is needed.

Today’s question: Have you reached the point in your thunderous rumble where you are ready to commit to change?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Big Hurts- Bigger God”

Seasons of rumble

Secure in Christ

Today Sara Horn concludes her discussion of Seven Habits of Highly Resentful People in Chapter 2 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?.

3.  A highly resentful person is constantly disappointed by others and by life in general.  Many of the disappointments we face in life are legitimate and hurtful.  However, resentment can take hold of us when we place higher expectations on someone or something than warranted.

4.  A highly resentful person is dissatisfied with some area of her life, if not several.  Dissatisfied people complain about what’s not right in their life or what they wish would change, but are unwilling to put forth the effort necessary to make those changes.  They play the blame game- it’s always the fault of someone else.  These habits should cue us that wholeness only comes from Christ.

5.  A highly resentful person avoids spending time with God.  When God is active and working in our heart, there is no room for a resentful spirit to reside.  We must be intentional in spending time in God’s Word or talking with Him.

6.  A highly resentful person is quick to get angry.  Sara states that “resentment is a breeding ground for bad tempers.”  Ecclesiastes 7:9 implores us: “Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools.”

7.  A highly resentful person hangs on to pride.  Here self-worth becomes caught up in our accomplishments.  If, in our eyes, someone else does something better, we diminish our value in response.  Sara states: “Pride starts when insecurity peaks.  Be secure in Christ.”

Today’s question: Which of the Seven Habits of Highly Resentful People characterize you following your vocation loss?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Highly Forgiving People”

Secure in Christ

Resentment

“It (love) is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”- 1 Corinthians 13:5-6

“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”- Nelson Mandela

In Chapter 2 (“Letting Go of the Hurt”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Hor observes that when we resent other people, we become preoccupied with our own insecurities and get caught up in our personal inadequacies.  Sara then presents Seven Habits of Highly Resentful People to help us identify what it looks like to be entrapped in a life of resentment.  The first two habits are discussed today.

1.  A highly resentful person never stops grumbling.  Just like the Israelites in the wilderness, when we practice grumbling more grumbling surely will follow.  Sara says that when grumbling becomes our default setting, we need to remember the words of St. Paul in Philippians 2:14-15a: “Do everything without grumbling and arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure.

2.  A highly resentful person always seems to be offended by something.  Sara notes that self-righteous thinking, feelings of superiority, snap judgments, and negative first impressions all are part of the I’m Offended package.  We are more likely to be offended when we convince ourselves that we are sinless and deserving.

Today’s question: To what degree has resentment been a factor following your ministry downsizing or vocation loss?  Please share.

Coming Wednesday: the new Short Meditation for Holy Week/Easter- “We all, like sheep”

Tomorrow’s blog: “Secure in Christ”

Resentment