Forgiveness is not a feeling

“Forgiveness is not a feeling.  Indeed, forgiveness is a purposeful decision- an act of the will not dependent on our emotions.”- June Hunt

In Chapter 6 (“Removing Hard Rocks of Resentment- Choosing Forgiveness Over Feelings”) of How to Forgive, June Hunt reminds us that we must forgive because God has forgiven us all the more (emphasis author’s).  This truth is profound and inescapable.

Ms. Hunt emphasizes that forgiveness is a purposeful decision because our emotions- powerful and persistent as they may be- are the least reliable measures of truth.  Feelings are influenced by numerous past and present conditions.  These conditions may have nothing to do with reality.

Forgiving another person doesn’t mean we have to ignore, hide, or bury our pain.  The painful emotions we experience are natural.  June states that, without injury by another person, Christlike forgiveness wouldn’t be necessary.  Ms. Hunt describes Christlike forgiveness:

“By sacrificing His life, Jesus displayed the truth that forgiveness is far more powerful than the most overwhelming pain. . . . By following Jesus’ example, we chose healing instead of hatred, and we refuse to drag around our bulging bag of bitterness.  And to possess this healing, we must face the pain, not deny or suppress it.”

June notes there is a distinct difference between being aware of our emotions and giving them control.  Feelings often fluctuate from one minute to the next.  Feelings are way too subjective for us to put our faith in them.  Forgiveness is too critical and central to a victorious Christian life to depend on emotions.  June reiterates that forgiveness is not a feeling:

“Forgiveness is a decisive act of the will- a fight for control of how we think.”

Today’s question: What Scriptures have helped you understand that forgiveness is not a feeling?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Think like God thinks”

Forgiveness is not a feeling

Gripping the past

“If you live gripping the past, you will forfeit you future.  Adversity can either make you bitter or better.”- Charles Stanley

In today’s blog, Charles Stanley completes his discussion of six common idols we often hold too tightly.

5.  The past.  Dr. Stanley states in no uncertain terms that the past is one of the most destructive idols of all.  This happens when we fixate on the people who have hurt us or we harbor unforgiveness.  If our pain turns to bitterness and unforgiveness, we have reached a dangerous point.  We begin to suspect the Lord’s motives, fearfully expecting more trials or further wounding.

Our past becomes an idol when we trust our experiences more than we believe in God.  We don’t have to allow this to happen.  Our adversity can be a bridge to a deeper relationship with the Father if we set our heart to trust Him.

6.  Hobbies.  While hobbies and preferred forms of entertainment aren’t necessarily wrong in themselves, there is a problem if they grab more of our attention than the Lord does.  Even ‘harmless’ activities and pastimes can consume us, Dr. Stanley writes.  Hobbies have no capacity to diminish our profound feelings of emptiness, exile, or worthlessness following our vocation loss.

Today’s question: Which of Dr. Stanley’s six common idols resonate most with you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “God’s workmanship”

Gripping the past

Letting go of bitterness

Following Chapter 3 of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, Sara Horn discusses five ways to start letting go of bitterness right now.

1.  Tell God how you’re feeling.  When we keep ignoring the hard feelings about our vocation loss, they build up and grow bigger.  Sara stresses that we need to make time to talk to God about how we’re feeling and ask for help letting go of the bitterness.

2.  Recognize the importance of second chances.  In the Parable of the Prodigal Son, the elder brother is a prime example of someone holding on to bitterness.  He is unable to see past what he perceives is an unfair situation.  When we find ourselves unable to see past the unfairness, we need to start counting our blessings.

3.  Admit the sin you’re dealing with.  Sara states that bitterness often masks or is symptomatic of other sins in our life.  When we own up to what is imprisoning us, we open the door for God to work in us and change us.

4.  Stop dwelling on what happened and repeating your story.  Fixating on what happened seldom is a healthy approach, especially if our friends are more enablers than encouragers.

5.  Rethink your thinking.  Bitter attitudes and negative thoughts are meant for each other.  Negative thoughts can be around for so long that we don’t even realize it.  We must be intentional in reshaping and turning our thoughts to what God wants us thinking about (Philippians 4:8).

Today’s question: Which way(s) of letting go of bitterness resonate most with you?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Invisible scars”

Letting go of bitterness

Seasons of rumble

In Chapter 3 (“In Seasons of Rumble”) of How Can I Possibly Forgive?, author Sara Horn notes that when rainstorms occur in Louisiana, the rumble of thunder miles away can go on and on for a long time.  While the rumble of thunder is subdued, you definitely know it is there.  The sound keeps going, with no indication of when it will stop.

There are seasons of rumble in life where we also live with that thunderous rumble, such as the aftermath of our ministry downsizing or vocation loss.  We are uncomfortable and out of sorts because we have no idea how to let the pain go.  Bitterness may set in.

Sara observes that when we see ourselves in the crosshairs of an undeserved target, our emotions can rapidly move from sadness to resentment and from denial to anger.  We may blame others or even take out our frustration on God.  The problem with bitterness, unfortunately, is that bitterness is difficult to hide.  As Sara explains, eventually we expose ourselves.  Our soul feelings emerge.

We are easily changed by the circumstances and challenges of our seasons of rumble.  At some point, however, we can’t take any more of that constant rumble and recognize that something has to change.  We have been holding onto something we shouldn’t ever have picked up.  A heart change is needed.

Today’s question: Have you reached the point in your thunderous rumble where you are ready to commit to change?  Please share.

Tomorrow’s blog: “Big Hurts- Bigger God”

Seasons of rumble